missed Mama Beaver, they were happy being back together.
And when Papa Beaver eventually fell in love with a cute vixen from across the valley, Hamster and Gerbil liked her quite a bit too.
They got together and combed through the cookbooks and settled on some fancy items to prepare for the wedding feast. At first they were sorely tempted to try a huge roast of porcupine, but that seemed a bit too mean, even under the circumstances. They settled on a board of very fancy stinky cheeses. The aroma made everyone think of Skunk, and how nice it was that she had floated far away.
SO WHAT AND THE SEVEN GIRAFFES
O ne day the king of the baboons said, “I want a child.”
“And how does that make you feel?” asked the queen.
“I am so sad,” said the king.
“I feel your pain,” said the queen.
“Thank you for caring,” said the king.
“Thank you for sharing,” said the queen.
Yes, the king and queen were sad, and they heard what each other was saying, and they knew where each other was coming from. They had a perfect marriage, in fact. When the queen filled out a questionnaire called “How Is Your Marriage?” in the back of Baboons’ Home Journal , her score was great. Her marriage was healthy. It was in such perfect health that she wrote a letter to the editor to ask, “So why am I not pregnant?”
“Sew yourself a little cross-stitch motto,” the editor wrote back. “If you prick your finger on the needle and the blood comes out, make a wish.”
The queen didn’t care much for sewing. But dutifully she got a needle and thread and began to stitch a motto on a piece of cloth. She was going to make a little sign saying BABY ON
BOARD and wear it like an apron if she got pregnant. Then she pricked her thumb and a drop of blood came out. “I wish I could have a baby,” she cried. “I wish my thumb didn’t hurt so much! I hope I don’t get blood poisoning! Just because I have to sew this thing!”
“Sew what?” said the king, coming in.
She showed him the sampler, but all it said so far was BABY.
A couple of weeks later, the queen realized that she was pregnant.
“You look radiant,” said the king fondly.
“I have got a whoopsy tummy,” said the queen, and proved it.
“I feel your pain,” said the king.
“That’s what you think,” said the queen. “Can you get blood poisoning from a needle?”
“Maybe,” said the king. “I’m here for you. Let me share.”
“I would if I could,” said the queen. “My blue behind, can this monster in here kick or what?”
“Try being sweet and understanding to it,” said the king.
The queen put her hand on her swelling stomach and patted it. “I’m there for you,” she said to the baby inside.
From inside, the baby kicked so hard that the queen got a lump on her palm the size of a meatball.
The king put his ear to the queen’s stomach. “I’ll spend a little quality time with my child,” he said. “Hi there, child of mine. I hear where you’re coming from.” Inside the queen the baby began to screech and fuss so loudly that the king went almost completely deaf. “How can you stand that noise, my dear?” he asked his wife.
But his wife didn’t hear what he was saying because she had put earplugs in her ears.
Finally the queen gave birth to a cunning little boy chimpanzee. The chimp wriggled in her arms like a wrinkling piece of bacon. “I love you,” said the queen fondly.
“So what?” said the chimp.
The queen took her earplugs out. “Did I see your lips move? Can you talk? King, come listen to this!”
But the king didn’t hear her. He was in the royal garage, busy making a hearing trumpet out of a conch shell.
The queen didn’t feel so hot. “I hoped and prayed for you my whole life long,” she murmured to her baby. “I’m so thrilled you’re here.”
“So what?” said the chimp.
The queen was so surprised that her newborn baby could talk that she died of happiness.
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