Read Last Exit to Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr for Free Online

know. Leave your brother alone.
Please. Brother???)—O god, theyll bug me. They know I cant stay
down. They know it. Nothing to see. To look at. Why me? Why wont
somebody help me. I dont want to be alone. I cant stand it. Please
help me. At least Goldie has bennie. I cant stay down. Always alone.
O jesus, jesus jesus . . . why me??? Mommy? Mommy? O god I need
something. Those sick johns. Always? I dont want to be straight. I
just need something. I/ll go crazy. Theyre keeping me down. Down. Why
do they want to kill me? and the near shadowless room continued
shrinking and she looked for dark corners, but there were none, just
a penumbra as the closet door partially blocked the light from the
living room. Georgette called . . . looked around the room. At the
bed. Sat up and called again . . . then slowly swung her legs over
the side and tentatively touched the floor . . . stood . . . hobbled
to the door and looked at Mother sleeping in a chair. She dressed,
took money from Mothers pocketbook and left. When she stood on the
stoop she realized she didnt know the day or time. But the sun had
set. Leaning against parked cars she limped to the corner and hailed
a cab, praying that Goldie was home. She gave the driver the address
and thought of Goldies and bennie.
    When she got to Goldies one of the girls helped her
upstairs and to a chair. She asked for someone to light her a
cigarette and leaned back in the chair, closed her eyes, allowing her
hand and body to shake, extending her leg stiffly in front of her and
groaning. The girls stood around, asking, wondering, thrilling to the
scene and exulting over the sudden breaking of the monotony; the
monotony of the last few days that dragged them even with bennie and
pot and forced them to sit, just sit, and bitch about the heat like
tired johns, and remember beatings by punks, and stares of squares;
but Georgette twisted her face with pain, not too much though, and
they wondered and thrilled. Goldie handed her half a dozen bennie and
she swallowed them, gulped hot coffee and sat silent . . . trying to
think the bennie into her mind (and her room and the past few days
out); not wanting to wait for it to dissolve and be absorbed by the
blood and pumped through her body; wanting her heart to pound now;
wanting the chills now; wanting the lie now; Now!!! The others
jabbered and squealed as she opened her eyes, shaking her head
tragically, her arms hanging limply . . . speaking in whispers and
shaking away questions, nodding and slowly raising her cigarette to
her lips and taking shallow asthmatic puffs. They gave her more
coffee and then the tingle, the pounding of the heart and she Ht
another cigarette and straightened slightly in the chair. Goldie
asked her if she was feeling better and she said yes. A little
thanks. Would you like some pot? O, do you have any? Of course honey.
Goldie gave her a stick and Georgette sucked the smoke refusing,
absolutely refusing, to cough; and they watched and waited until
Georgette had chewed the roach & put her makeup on before
bubbling forth with their questions. Well, I must say you look much
better now. You looked simply frightful when you came in. I have been
down for days. Days? What happened. Yes, dishus honey. Do you have
another stick Goldie. Of course. Well for gods sake, you just going
to sit there all night or are you going to tell us what happened. O
really Miss Lee. Cant you see the poor girl is overwrought. You dont
have to yell Miss Thing. Im simply dying to know what happened, thats
all. Thats alright honey—O thank you Goldie—I understand. Just
let me get myself together and I/ll tell you the whole story. She
smoked the second stick and told them how she was stabbed; how the
freak Harry started the whole thing; how the doctor wouldnt give her
anything, not even one little nebbie; and how they kept her locked in
her room not allowing her to have one visitor, and I heard Vinnie at
the door a couple of times and they wouldnt let him in;