and tell her you made it all up. Then your going to put it in an envelope and mail it. Loud and clear?
So donât get the wrong idea and think we are friends. Or anything like it. The only reason I am even writing back is on account of it being 2:00 in the a.m. in Philly and they just traded my roommate Gridley Tarbell to the White Sox, a fate I would not wish on a dog. (That is the same team that gave us the 1919 Worldâs Series and people like Eddie Cicotte and Swede Risberg and Chick Gandil and Al Capone.) I asked Mr. Terry if I could room with Jordy Stuker who is even worse at 5 card stud than Gridley was, and Mr. Terry said yes. So instead he gave me Carl Hubbell by sayingâHe will be a good influence on you Charles.â The Good Influence never says âshitâ and he only plays bridge and he eats hot dogs with a fork and he right now is fast asleep in the next bed in this damn hotel room but he is still talking anyway. I think he is giving an interviewâhe just said âCouldnât of done it without the team.â Oh, yeah? Letâs see how fast he wins another 200 games with a towel in his mouth. Stuke would of been a much better deal all the way around. He can fart the first part of âGod Bless Americaâ good enough to sing along with it, and he also thinks Lucille Ball is going to marry him. Even though she wonât answer any of his letters, including the one with the malt balls in it.
You donât know everything Kid. Maybe you think you do, but batting averages and etc. are only the gravy on the tip of the iceberg. There are other things that count for alot more: like Church-hill and Anshluss and Kristal Nacht and people who are always on your side no matter what. The trouble with you is thinking because your a Jew you have got the World Market cornered on hard knocks which really hands me a laugh from not noticing you doing anything about it. If you ever once found the guts to stand up for yourself, you would realize that it doesnât matter if your a Cathlic or a Gentle or one of those people from India with holes in their farhead. I donât take any of that crap serious which is how come I know your full of it. But Iâll tell you something. Third base belongs to me ânobody elseâand anyone who tries to take it away better be ready for a good fight. You included. So maybe itâs time you founda place of your own in the infield. You need alot of work. And itâs a cinch your old man isnât minding the store.
Charles Banks
3B
P.S. And by the way. Your not suppose to put quotion marks around asshole. And thereâs no space in the middle. Two can play at this one, Kid.
P.S.2. How do you know about Harlan?
P.S.3. Donât waste your time writing back. I found another place to move to and only 3 people in the world get the address. Your not one of them.
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Miss Elsie McKeever
Bureau of Vital Statistics
964 Marquette Street
Racine, Wisconsin
Dear Miss McKeever,
I do not know if you remember me, but I wrote to you in April and you helped me find my family.
I have some sad news. My Cousin Ivy got hit by a train and died. She was very close to ourCousin Charlie and we sent him a telegram on Riverside Drive, but Western Union says he doesnât live there anymore. Do you know where he moved to?
Thank you.
Very truly yours,
Joseph Margolis Banks
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Mr. Joseph Margolis Banks
236 Montgomery Street
Brooklyn, New York
Dear Joseph:
Of course I remember you! And I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. We have, of course, changed our records to reflect her unfortunate passing.
I have checked with the post office and am happy to report that Charles is now living at 227 West 94th Street, Apt. 14-A, New York, New York.
My deepest sympathies to both of you and the rest of your family. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do.
Sincerely,
Elsie McKeever
Archivist
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Dear Kid,
Do you hire