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about the same topic two, three, or four times will create a deeper level of emotional intimacy.
    Fourth step: Pray together
     
    You’re going to have a longer—five or ten minutes—prayer time now. Get a pad and make a list of prayer requests. Divide the list between you and pray for the requests one at a time, back and forth. Hold hands when you pray, because this creates a mood and connects you via touch.
    Fifth step: Move from prayer to conversation
     
    When you finish praying, talk about some of the things you just lifted to God in prayer. These are the concerns of your heart, the important persons and situations you care about the most. These form your bridge from prayer to conversation between you.
    This progression is not set in concrete. I know it works, especially for couples who are just beginning to have talk times. Give it a try. Play with the order of the steps. Mix them. Find a sequence that works best for you as a couple.

Meet Needs
    One of the ways Solomon and Shulamith practice priority in their relationship is by meeting each other’s most important needs. Shulamith meets Solomon’s need to be respected and honored (5:10). She also meets his need to be desired sexually (5:16). Respect, honor, and sex are three of nearly every husband’s most important needs.
    Solomon meets Shulamith’s need to be loved unconditionally and completely (2:14). He meets her need to be provided for, to be protected, and to feel secure (3:6–11). He leads her in communication and meets her need to be emotionally connected to him (4:1–10). Nearly every wife would list unconditional love, protection and security, and emotional connection, in her list of top five needs.

You Gotta Ask
    The only surefire, guaranteed way to identify your spouse’s needs is to ask. Don’t assume you know. Don’t try to read your partner’s mind. At least twice a day, ask, in person or over the telephone, what his or her needs are.
    Ask in the morning, before you go your separate ways: “Honey, what are your needs today? What can I do for you?” Husband, because you don’t have a memory, jot down your wife’s needs. At the beginning of your evening together, when you first see each other, ask for each other’s needs again. “Sweetheart, what can I do for you tonight?”
    Once a week, in one of your talk times, ask your spouse: “How am I doing meeting your needs? How can I do better?” When needs are not met, passion erodes. So, get a needmeeting performance evaluation once a week.
    Solomon and Shulamith have a love that is intense. Bordering on obsessive. It is clearly the most important part of their lives. They know the secret of priority . They make each other number one. And, boy, does it pay off in passion!

5
    The Sheet Hog and the Mad Snorter
    Sandy Clarke is a sheet hog. There, I’ve said it. After twentyfive years of keeping her dirty little secret, it feels good to finally expose the truth. By day, Sandy is a wonderful wife and mother. She is a selfless, nurturing, and kind servant who focuses on the needs of others. But, by night, she turns into a selfish, grasping, and greedy sheet hog.
    I need a crisp, clean sheet covering my vulnerable body. Do you know the purpose of a sheet? It regulates body temperature during the night. It keeps you feeling cool and fresh so you can sleep soundly. It acts as a barrier between your body and the heavier, more abrasive blanket. Everybody needs a sheet! Everybody is entitled to a sheet!
    Every night, Sandy and I start with the sheet evenly distributed across our bodies. We’re both happy. The sheet belongs to both of us. We’re a team. We’re sharing. I kiss her goodnight, and we drift off to sleep. My last conscious thought is, “Maybe tonight I’ll get to keep my half of the sheet.”
    Every night—and I’m not exaggerating—I wake up between one and two a.m. with no sheet. Sandy has stolen—that’s right, stolen—the entire sheet! She is literally rolled up in the