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Ramsbottom. Pigging hell, why are teachers always sending you to see other teachers? Or
making you stand somewhere or telling you to think about something. It’s like they imagine you haven’t got any plans of your own for the day.
    I said, ‘It’s a nice idea, Mr Hampton, but actually I’ve got some important birthday business to conduct in Maths next lesson, so I don’t think I’ll be able to make
it.’
    Mr Hampton said, ‘Never mind then – you mustn’t upset your schedule.’
    Or at least that is what he would have said if he lived in Sane World, but because he is a teacher from the planet Fun-Spoil he just ranted away. I didn’t catch all of it, but it was along
the lines of, ‘Irresponsible . . . idiotic . . . most disrespectful young lady I’ve ever met.’
    You know, the usual.
    I shuffled off to see Miss R. As soon as I walked in the door, she screwed up her nose as if my behaviour smells like Bovril.
    ‘Faith,’ she snarled. ‘I intended to speak to you.’
    They say that attack is the best form of defence so I said, ‘Well, I’ve been wanting to talk to
you
. Why haven’t I been moved back to Mrs Hatfield’s tutor group?
I recall a definite promise from you last year, and I’ve been extremely good, and I’m sure you’re aware that I am at a very vulnerable age when it comes to friends – this
could be detrimental to my self-esteem.’
    Unlike my dad, Ramsbottom isn’t easily confused by a stream of fast talking. She just held up a hand and waited for me to stop.
    ‘We’ll discuss your tutor group in a moment. I think there’s the more pressing matter of your treatment of other students.’
    What the actual monkey was she talking about? ‘But other students love me!’ I said.
    ‘No one loves being placed in danger.’
    ‘I don’t follow.’
    She scowled. ‘We discussed your disregard for safety last term.’
    ‘I’m afraid I’m still not with you, Miss Ramsbottom. Perhaps you could act it out, like in a game of charades?’
    ‘Faith! I don’t think you should make light of attempting to throw another girl down the stairs!’
    Oh please. It’s a wonder Miss Ramsbottom manages day-to-day life. She gets the wrong end of the stick so badly that she doesn’t even know what is stick and what’s not. It seems
like a miracle to me that she’s never been arrested for falsely accusing someone of murder.
    I said, ‘Is this about Angharad? I was just steadying her while she leant over the banisters to take in the stimulating sight of three hundred girls hurrying to their education.’
    ‘Mr Hampton said that you were about to toss her down the stairs.’
    Which is funny because you wouldn’t expect a man who wears as much corduroy as Mr Hampton to over exaggerate like that. I didn’t mention this because Miss Ramsbottom gets very
twitchy when I make remarks about other teachers. I just said, ‘She liked it.’
    ‘That seems highly unlikely.’
    ‘You’ve got to take into account Angharad’s extreme titchiness. She just wanted to see what it was like to look down from a great height.’
    ‘Whether the girl in question gave her consent or not, I would have thought that you could have recognised what an inappropriate, not to mention dangerous, action it was.’
    I bowed my head because I find these little chats move along quicker if I pretend to be sorry.
    ‘What if you had dropped her?’
    We had, of course, taken the precaution of tying the belt from Megs’s coat round Ang and to the stair rail. Does she think I’m an idiot? But, along with the head bowing, total
silence helps Miss R get it out of her system much faster, so I kept my lips pressed together.
    ‘She could have been seriously injured. I expect more sense from a Year Ten.’
    Does that mean that she wouldn’t mind if Year Sevens started flinging people down the stairs?
    ‘You’ll be in Year Ten detention next week. I’ll speak to the other young lady in question. What’s her name?’
    See? She