Read Just Add Water (1) for Free Online Page A

might add.”
    “I prefer to be compared to Hunter
S. Thompson, thank you. I like being scary. Inspiring fear and loathing has its
place in business.” I surveyed my outfit once more and hung it up. “Now, what
have I forgotten?”
    “Other than woman’s humanity to
man? Your D-O-G.” She cocked her head at RJ and handed me the phone.
    I hit the speed dial and heard,
“Noah’s Bark.”
    “This is Philinda Blank of the
Oakland Chapter of the You’d Better Be Kind to Animals or We’ll Shoot You
Organization. We’ve had a complaint, doctor, that you have been dallying with
some strange pussy.”
    “How you doin’, Hetta.”
    “Begging, Craig. I need a favor. I
gotta go to Seattle and I’d like to park RJ with you. He needs some clipping
and dipping, and he’s favoring that leg he stuck under a speeding truck a while
back.”
    “No problem. I’ll pick him up. What
day and when’s your plane?”
    “Oh-dark-thirty Wednesday. I’ll
leave him here at the house. Use your key. I’ll retrieve him from that dog
prison of yours Thursday night, okay?”
    “No need. I’ll drop him off at your
house and say howdy. And RJ won’t suffer dog prison because I’ll take him home
with me. He loves my house.”
    And no wonder, the place smelled
and looked like an animal lair. I vowed to schedule my semi-annual den cleaning
assault on Craigosaurus’s cave soon. Dr. Craig Washington, RJ’s huge, but
gentle, giant of a vet, was a hundred pounds overweight, black, shy, and one of
my best friends. I never called him Craigosaurus to his face, although everyone
else did. I know about weight jokes.
    “You are a prince among vets, Craig
darlin’. Thanks.” We went on to chat about his week, his love life, and his
latest veterinary venture. He was all excited about a new thing he’d picked up
at a conference in Las Vegas: dog balls. And not the ones you throw for Fido.
Seems some folks down Argentina way are so hung up, so to speak, on appearances
they have silicon testicles implanted in their neutered pets. I vetoed Craig’s
offer to make RJ Oakland’s first cosmetically enhanced canine, then said
good-bye.
    “RJ’s all set. I should marry Craig,”
I sighed.
    “What would his boyfriend say?”
    “Minor detail. Think what I’d save
in vet bills.” I told her about Craig’s new venture into pet plastic surgery.
    “You’re shittin’ me. Well, gee,
maybe Craigosaurus can do something for the poor dude in Seattle. Sounds like
you ain’t gonna leave him with any.”
    “Really cute, Miz Jan. Well, yawn,
I’m gonna hit the hay as soon as I pack my gym gear.”
    “You know, if you’d lay off all the
junk food on weekends you wouldn’t have to work out for two hours and then go
to bed hungry Monday through Thursday.”
    “Where’s the fun in that?”
     
    * *
*
     
    Dale Stevens was my VOD. Victim of
the Day. He pulled his chair close to mine and aimed his color-enhanced
contacts at my front. What he found fascinating about my grandmother’s cameo, I
have no idea.
    Under the table, I slipped open
five buttons up the side of my skirt, shifted slightly to face him, crossed my
legs, and was rewarded with a sharp intake of jerk breath. He couldn’t take his
eyes off my exposed, albeit pantyhose clad, expanse of thigh. Some things are
way too easy.
    “So,” I said, giving each person at
the conference table my most sincere look, “let’s get started by going around
the table, each of you defining your job description as it applies to our
project. As a guideline, I’ve prepared a sample organizational chart.” I held
up a magenta bordered piece of paper, giving everyone time to shuffle through
their folders and find their own color coded sheet.
    “You will, of course, create your
own chart, but I’ve found that the better each department understands its
relationship to others, and to the project, the more efficiently they
interface.”
    The in-house imbecile forced his
eyes from my leg slit long enough to check