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lights. And we just parked. She let me sit in her lap, and we just looked at this really big house with all of these lights on it. I don’t remember much, you know. I was pretty young when she died. But she did really like Christmas.”
    “ I’m sorry you didn’t get that many with her.” I felt the prick of tears in my eyes. No mother? I couldn’t imagine a sadder fate. I had a hard time breathing without letting my tears run.
    “ Don’t cry, Bren.” Jake kissed me. “I never tell you about this stuff because you get too upset. It’s okay, really. I miss her, but it’s okay.”
    I hugged him tight, so tight my arms hurt. Jake had so little. Jake needed so much. It was intimidating. It was a lot to feel responsible for. But, I loved Jake, loved him, loved him, loved him. I would guard his heart, no matter what.
    “ I love you,” I whispered right in his ear, and suddenly I was pressed up against the house, his hands knocking bobby pins out of my hair, his mouth hard on mine. He had my coat spread open at the sides and I could feel his body crushed to me, hot through my silky dress. “Come back tonight.” I didn’t care that I was begging shamelessly.
    “ I can’t, Brenna. Your parents will kill me if they catch me.” He kissed my mouth and down my neck.
    “ Please, Jake. They drank that whole bottle of wine. They’ll never know. I don’t have long with you. Please, Jake. Please.” I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him gently on his earlobes and under his jaw, where I knew he was most sensitive. “Please.”
    “ Okay.” He dragged his hands out of my hair, down my neck and along the front of my body. He closed his gray eyes, and I wanted to yell at him to open them up again. I wanted to feel his hands on me for a little while more, but he pulled away before I had my fill. “I’ll come back at two. I’ll call when I’m at the window.”
    I kissed him. “Thank you.”
    I didn’t watch him pull out of our driveway. I ran back in, and I knew I looked pink and flushed and bright-eyed. I knew that Mom felt validated about whisking me off to Paris. I couldn’t stop the love for him from brimming out of me, and it was so intense it was dangerous. I knew that, and she knew it.

Chapter Three
     
    I forced myself to sit at the table and sip cocoa and chatter happily. Thorsten pretended to cry about Mom and me leaving him for a week and a half, but I knew he would be happy to walk around in his underwear and smoke his pipe on the porch. Mom was very giggly and Thorsten was pretty silly himself. I was fairly sure that they were at least toasted enough to turn in early, and I wound up being right. They wobbled off to bed after they kissed and hugged me goodnight, and I sat on the couch and looked at our bright, pretty Christmas tree for a while. Then I took the DVDs Jake bought for me and headed to my room.
    I peeled off my stockings and dress and put on my pajama pants and top. They were cute. I made sure, since Jake would be over soon. I flipped through the movies until I found the one I wanted, even though I didn’t really want it.
    It was my absolute favorite, Sense and Sensibility, the one with Kate Winslet as Marianne. I put it in and started watching. And, even though I didn’t want to, I felt a wave of sadness when Willoughby rode up and saved Marianne, holding her in his arms with such outright chivalry. The scene is really romantic, but it’s also tragic because Willoughby isn’t going to be Marianne’s true love. He’s going to spurn her in favor of a rich heiress so that he can keep his lifestyle. And he winds up leaving Marianne crushed. I know this story by heart. I’ve thought about it a thousand times. Because someone got it in my head and now I can’t get it back out.
    That someone was Saxon Maclean. Earlier in the year I thought I might fall in love (or lust) with Saxon. Then I thought I would hate him forever. Then he told me something about Jake that changed everything, and