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obstacles to our union. In the first place,
Babichok considered me too fat and too thin.
    Tartelet: How can that be?
    Valdemar: Too fat physically and too thin financially.
    Tartelet: I see.
    Valdemar: Well, yes, I am a little on the plump side, I told her, but
when it comes to something you love, the more of it you have, the
better. Perhaps she might have gone along with my corpulence,
seeing that she was rather skinny herself. Between us, we would
have averaged out to make a nice little well-padded couple.
    Tartelet: Yes, one would have made up for the other. The only
problem left, then, was....
    Valdemar: Money! She simply would not let go of that idea. She loves
me too much. Valdemar, she would say, I want you to be rich, very
rich. I want you to have a fine carriage and beautiful hair-I mean
beautiful horses-and beautiful hair, too, of course, and a lovely
hotel where I can adore my idol to my heart's content. But to see
you in poverty, in misery, I couldn't stand it. I'd rather put up with
someone else than endure the pain of sharing your poverty. Tell
me, Mr. Tartelet, is that not true love?
    Tartelet: That is perfect love. First class.
    Valdemar: And so I left in the hope of making my fortune, and by
traveling to develop the brilliant qualities of my soul.
    Tartelet: You did the right thing. Matthew! Your feet!
    Valdemar: I've seen many countries in my time, and benefited from
that experience, if I may be so bold as to say so. I've studied the
way of life, I've observed the costu ... the customs, and I've jotted
down all my poetic impressions in this notebook.

    Tartelet: That must be a remarkable notebook.
    Valdemar: Look at this, now. "France: admirable country. Paris:
admirable country."
    Tartelet: That's brief and to the point.
    Valdemar: I have to make myself understood. "In Paris, we ate beef,
veal, and mutton. Switz ..."20
    Tartelet: Swiss mutton?
    Valdemar: No, no. There's a period in there. "Switzerland: admirable
country. Geneva: admirable country, ate veal, mutton, and beef.
Italy: Rome. Rome!"
    Tartelet: Ate veal, beef, and mutton.
    Valdemar: No. I let you say that, just to be polite, but there isn't any
there. All they eat there is goat's meat, the way they eat macaroni
here.
    Tartelet: And you're writing all these impressions for Miss Babichok?
    Valdemar: Naturally. It will be interesting for her, and for Cousin
Finderup,21 who stayed behind with her.
    Tartelet: Aha! There's Cousin Finderup, is there?
    Valdemar: Yes. He's a friend of mine. A good lad. He's supposed to
write to me at each of my stops, with news of my fiancee. As soon
as I've made my fortune....
    Tartelet: Well, have you made it yet?
    Valdemar: Not yet, but I'm not discouraged. I'll do it. For her, mind
you, I'll undertake the impossible.
    Tartelet: The impossible. That's exactly where we're going. Will you
come with us?
    Valdemar: Where?
    Tartelet: There. Down below.

    Valdemar: In the cellar?
    Tartelet: To the center of the earth.
    Valdemar: What for?
    Tartelet: Why, to make our fortune. Isn't that the general storehouse
of valuable things? Silver, gold, diamonds? Don't the most precious things in the world come from the bowels of the earth?
    Valdemar: That's true, yes. It's the central treasure house. All you
have to do is help yourself. But I don't have the key.
    Tartelet: We have it!
    Valdemar: And will you take me with you?
    Tartelet: Yes, if you agree to drink a few drops of a certain potion. It
will take you there in a second.
    Valdemar: Will we be running?
    Tartelet: Running on electricity.
    Valdemar: And where is this potion?
    Tartelet: I have a vial of it here. I drank some by mistake, but you'll
drink it out of ambition.
    Valdemar: Ah, Mr. Tartelet, I'm so fortunate to have met you! One
drop. Just one little drop.
    Tartelet: All right, but on one condition.
    Valdemar: I agree to it in advance.
    Tartelet: For two hours a day, you must place your feet in the third
position.
    Valdemar: What do you