Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow

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Book: Read Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow for Free Online
Authors: Nathan Bransford
for this Mick Cracken to arrive and start stealing people. They had more important things to do, like figuring out if Earth still existed. The officers looked impressed by Jacob’s sudden display of initiative and nodded to each other.
    â€œWe have to fight him,” Jacob said.
    Officer Erard threw his head back and laughed for nearly thirty seconds. Then he seemed to realize that his laughter sounded a few shades away from outright lunacy and abruptly stopped. His face resumed its terrified countenance.
    Officer Bosendorfer shuddered. “I only thought about his name that time,” he said.
    â€œIf I may interrupt this riveting conversation that I was so looking forward to listening to for the next seven hours,” the ship said, “my sensors are detecting an oncoming cruiser with a very snooty nav system bearing the royal insignia, who isn’t shy about going on and on about his pedigree. Mick Cracken will be here in two minutes. Unless we do something now, we will be boarded and towed and I’ll have to hear that nav system prattle on about his state-of-the-art rocket boosters for the next ten years, which may be the only thing in the universe that’s less interesting than you hooligans.”
    Sarah sat forward. “Ship, what do you think we should do?”
    â€œMy name is Lucy,” the ship snapped.
    Sarah pursed her lips together. “What do you think we should do, Lucy ?”
    â€œWell,” Lucy said with a suddenly unctuous and pleasing voice. “I just happened to be thinking that we could engage in some evasive maneuvers that I’ve been calculating, which I don’t mind telling you are terribly exciting and employ geometric marvels beyond your pitiful human comprehension. We would do some rapid loops and twists while shooting off several spectacularly powerful missiles, and while you humans may be crippled by the resulting G forces and there is a seventeen percent chance that we would be blown to pieces by the missiles flying indiscriminately, I for one feel that it is well worth the trade-off. What do you say?”
    Jacob and Sarah frowned at each other.
    â€œThat is,” Lucy said, “unless you children are too frightened.”
    â€œI’m not scared of anything,” Sarah said.
    â€œI am,” Dexter said. “I’m scared of many, many things.”
    Jacob looked out the cockpit window. He saw a little dark gray speck out in space. That little dark gray speck turned into a slightly larger little dark gray speck, and then it grew to such a size that it was no longer a speck at all but rather a dark gray splotch. The splotch grew larger and larger until Jacob could make out the contours of what could no longer be considered a speck nor a splotch but instead was definitely, positively a very large, very scary-looking spaceship that was rapidly heading their way.
    â€œThere he is!” Jacob shouted. “Evasive maneuvers! We have to get away! But Lucy, no crippling maneuvers, and no missiles. That’s an order.”
    â€œFine,” Lucy sighed. “But you should know that I’m already bored.”
    Lucy lurched into action and quickly left the police cruiser in the space dust. The kids and Officer Bosendorfer strapped themselves into their seats, while Officer Erard, who didn’t have a seat, held on to the banister as best he could as Lucy turned at all-but-crippling speeds.
    â€œThis would be fun if we were on Planet Coasterland,” Officer Erard said. “But we’re not.”
    Jacob held on to his seat. The ship barreled into a long, arcing turn as Mick Cracken’s vessel sped forward in an attempt to head them off. A deep mechanical voice filled the cabin. “Stop at once! You are about to have the immense honor of being boarded and relieved of your valuables by Mick Cracken, buccaneer, bandit, and brigand extraordinaire. Stop now or suffer extreme consequences.”
    â€œIt’s

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