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would be enough.”
    Adam asked, “What do you mean by a new source of sexual desire?”
    I could see from their questions that the process of resolving their sexual desire problems had begun.
THREE DRIVES OF SEXUAL DESIRE AND LOVE
     
    Helen Fisher is a celebrated anthropologist and author of wonderful books, including
The Sex Contract
and
Anatomy of Love
. Recently, in
Why We Love
, Helen documented the brain circuitry and chemistry of romantic love and desire. 8 Using the latest brain-scanning technology, Helen studied the brain activity of women and men who had recently fallen madly in love. A region deep near the center of the brain lit up when lovers gazed at a photo of their sweetheart. 9 This region is located in the most primitive (reptilian) part of your brain (which evolved over 65 million years ago), and produces the natural stimulant dopamine. 10 The more active this part was, the more madly in love the people were. 11 Another part of the brain lit up as well, which also produces dopamine. 12
    In other words, the initial madness and irrationality we feel in romantic love comes from the primitive emotional centers of your brain. 13 Romantic love involves the brain’s self-reward system, which is why we like to be in love. 14 We feel energized, aroused, elated, and focused on our new beloved. 15 Initially, we’re preoccupied with our own feelings, reactions, desires, and insecurities. We feel in love and alive, but we really don’t know this other person. As romantic love progresses, we start to see our partner as a separate person, with thoughts and feelings of their own. 16 All this corresponds to what is happening in your brain. Helen Fisher discovered that as love relationships lengthen, your brain responds in new ways: People in love for longer periods of time showed brain activity in parts that map other people’s thoughts (mind-mapping) and emotions. 17 The brains of people who had recently fallen in love did not.
    The parts of your brain that
don’t
light up are particularly interesting. Both maternal attachment and romantic love
deactivate
regions in your brain associated with negative emotions, assessing social situations, and mapping out other people’s intentions and emotions. Human attachment employs a “push–pull mechanism” that deactivates your discerning social judgment and negative emotions, while gluing you to a partner through your brain’s reward circuitry. 18
    Romantic love is more than a feeling. Helen concluded that it is a fundamental human
drive
. 19 “Like the craving for food and water, and maternal instinct, it is physiological need, a profound urge. Romantic love is the instinct to court and win a particular mating partner.” 20 This is why romantic love seems to be universal. 21
    According to Helen, romantic love is one of three basic drives of human love and desire:
1.
Lust
(craving for sexual gratification, biological horniness)
2.
Romantic love
(infatuation with a particular partner)
3.
Attachment
(a calm, secure union with a long-term partner, including pair-bonding, monogamy, parenthood, and kinship) 22
    Each drive instructs sexual desire and mating differently. Lust is animal attraction, your desire to have sex with any semi-appropriate partner. Romantic love makes you focus on one particular partner. Attachment makes you want to live with a partner long enough to raise a child through infancy (presuming you have a child).
    Each drive involves different neurochemicals in your brain. Lust is associated with testosterone and estrogen in both men and women. 23 Romantic love involves dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Attachment involves oxytocin and vasopressin. Because of how dopamine, norepinephrine, and testosterone mutually interact, romance can trigger lust and vice-versa. 24 However, testosterone can play havoc with attachment. And attachment’s brain chemistry can suppress sexual lust and romantic love. 25 It’s one reason why lust and romantic love are