Read Inspector Hobbes and the Blood: A Fast-paced Comedy Crime Fantasy (unhuman) for Free Online

you take milk or sugar?'
    'Two
lumps of each, please. When you're done, I'll show you to the canteen.'
    The
kettle, being already full, and discovering a box of matches on top of one of
the tins, I lit the gas and rummaged for tea bags. There weren't any, just
loose leaves in a tin caddy, for which my training as tea-boy at the Bugle had not prepared me. Still, I had learned of the possibility of making tea
without bags; Phil had been telling Ingrid how tea tasted 'so much nicer if
made properly', while I'd listened sarcastically, never thinking I might one
day be grateful. When the kettle boiled, I poured a little into the pot,
swirling it round to warm it and then, since there wasn't a sink, opened the
window, flinging out the contents. A roar of anger followed, prompting me to
slam it shut and duck out of sight. Hobbes, sitting behind his desk, writing on
a form, merely snorted. I tipped three spoons of tea into the pot, inundating
it with boiling water and picked up the chipped mugs.
    'Careful
with those,' said Hobbes, 'they're Chippendale.'
    'Oh
right, of course.'
    I
held them with exaggerated care. They showed images of Chip and Dale, the
cartoon chipmunks. I grimaced, putting them down, Hobbes grinning as he
returned to his paperwork. Sprawling in the spare chair, I waited while the tea
mashed.
    His
fountain pen looked the size of a matchstick in his great paw, and he wrote
slowly, his brow furrowed, the pink tip of his tongue between his lips, looking
like a monstrous schoolboy, lost in a world of his own. Occasionally, he would
hum a few bars of a tune I thought I nearly recognised. For those few quiet
minutes he looked at peace with the world and himself and had a strange air of
vulnerability. I almost felt friendly towards him.
    The
tea smelt fantastic as I poured it out and placed the Chip mug on the desk beside
him. He was dreamily stirring it with a finger as I sat back down, taking a sip
from the Dale mug, the fragrance steaming away any last vestiges of hangover. I
relaxed, closing my eyes, leaning back in my chair. The office was warm, the
distant hum of the world seemed far away and I felt strangely happy until, upending
my mug, I got a mouthful of tealeaves. Spluttering, I spat the dregs back.
    'Manners,
Andy,' said Hobbes, shooting me a disapproving look, putting down his pen,
picking up his mug and standing up. 'Right, give me a top-up and have one
yourself if you like and I'll take you to the canteen.'
    Having
drained the teapot into our mugs, I followed him through the dark panelled
doorway into a large, airy and untidy room where half a dozen officers and
civilians were hard at work. Some looked up from their computer screens as we
passed, seeming surprised to see me, one or two nodding as Hobbes acknowledged
them with a gesture like a benediction. Turning into a corridor, he pushed open
a double door and the rich warm scent of fried bacon overwhelmed me. I'd quite
obviously not really been hungry earlier. What I'd experienced then had been a
passing peckishness, but this was the real thing. Ordering an all-day
breakfast, though lunchtime approached, I proceeded to stuff my face, while
Hobbes sat quietly, as if in deep thought. When I'd eaten enough to allow some
of my attention to wander from the plate, I noticed, with suppressed amusement,
that his little finger, on raising his mug, was crooked like that of an old
lady at a vicarage tea party. He left the canteen as I polished the plate clean,
returning as I finished off the last slice of toast and marmalade.
    'Right,
Andy, I want to take a proper look at Roman's house. Let's see what we can
find.' He hustled me from the canteen to the car.
    Feeling
fully awake and fit by then, I was really able to appreciate the journey, which
only went to show the advantage of having felt like death earlier. Hobbes, I
decided, knew only one way to drive: with the accelerator pressed flat against
the mat. For him, speed limits were restrictions applying, and only