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myself in sleeping patterns.  
    I stand up, stretch and drop the bottle onto the table.  My phone has gone off a few times with Mom or Dad’s name flashing over the screen but I don’t answer.  I keep calling Jameson, but he’s not answering my calls either .  Probably feeling just as shitty as I am for surviving.  I haven’t been able to call Kate and tell her how I felt, but it’s not really my place.  Jameson was Matt’s friend.  I shake and his voice comes into my head.   “I see it in your eyes Blake, you don’t think you’re good enough. Only you can be the judge of your worth. I am just going to tell you, you’re a damn good Marine. You think before you act, not act before you think. It makes you lethal. Remember that.” I shake my head to clear it of the thoughts coming.  I grab my keys to the Range Rover and make my way out of the house.  Maybe if I get laid tonight, it won’t be so hard to forget.
    Walking into Charlie’s, I sit down and order a whiskey on the rocks. I take a sip of the drink and then turn and watch as a couple of guys play a round of pool in the corner. I take a deep breath and try to remember it’s not the sound of a gun being loaded. I smile when a woman sits down at the bar. She looks to be in her late twenties. I think I can pull this off.
    “Hey there, handsome,” she says and crosses her legs, the short skirt she has on rides up her thighs.  I rake my eyes over her from her heels up to her bare legs, over her thighs and up to her ample breasts.  I allow my gaze to continue over the cleavage spilling over her shirt, then up into her brown eyes.  “Care for a drinking partner?”   
    “What cha drinkin’?”  
    “Amaretto Sour please.”  
    I nod to the bartender and he slides her the drink. I look her up and down a few more times, then take another sip of my whiskey. My hand shakes a bit as I hear the clanking of the balls on the pool table. I let out an unsteady breath and drink another sip. 
    “So, you come here often?” 
    “Not really, just got home from overseas.” I know that’s a line that will reel her in. What woman doesn’t want a man in uniform?
    “Soldier huh?  I’m Janice.  Nice to meet you.” 
    “Blake and Marine.  Nice to meet you too, Janice.”  I put some money on the table and stand, the alcohol from earlier already coursing through my veins.  “Wanna get out of here?”
    “Sure.” She replies with a shake of her shoulder and then she downs the remnants of her drink. This girl is going to be just what I need. “My place or yours?”
    “Yours, I’ll drive.”  Yeah, definitely yours because as soon as I get off, I’m rolling out.  No need to scare anyone else with what I have going on with me.  No use in letting someone see the fucked up-ness that is Blake Johnson.  I walk her to my car and she lets out a low whistle.
    “Nice set of wheels.”   
    “Graduation present.”  I reply and open the door for her.  I watch as she climbs up making sure I see that she has on some sexy lace boyshort style panties underneath that very short skirt.  I close the door and make my way over to the car.  I know that I am not the hottest guy in the world, most redheads aren’t. For instance, Shamus from WWE wrestling. That guy is not at all attractive. His money makes him attractive and my military status is what gets it for me.
    “How old are you?” Janice asks as I climb into the car. I smile, knowing this was coming. 
    “Twenty and you?” 
    “Twenty-five,” she replies as she looks at me.  “You look older.”
    “Yeah, well I’ve seen shit that would make me older.  I’m surprised I don’t have grey hair yet.”  I let out a small chuckle and then make a right turn as she directs me to her house.  I pull into a gravel driveway that leads off the road, a town over from my own apartment.  My headlights land on a white painted house with a wraparound porch.   It doesn’t seem to be that big, but