to take care of you and a baby if he gets you knocked-up. Just look at all these girls around town and here on the Maury show, I bet they—”
“Okay, got it!” I shouted rudely at him. “I’ll keep my pants on, alright. Now I really gotta go.”
“Okay, kid, okay.”
The Letter
The next day, I was the lucky one to be elected by my mama to go and grab the pile of past-due notices that were surely piled up in the mailbox. As I started rummaging through them, I had noticed that there was one in particular that stood out because this one had consisted of a high-quality stationary. The envelope, was clearly addressed to my mama, Janine Barrett Singer, and had the words OPEN IMMEDIATELY TIME SENSITIVE written on it diagonally in bold, black ink and in all capital letters. The return address said it was from the law offices of Schlitzmeyer and Brown located somewhere in Elmira, NY.
At first, I thought it might be a letter informing us that one of our creditors had referred our delinquent account over to financial lawyers, and that we should soon be expecting to have our butts hauled into court. But after I had handed the letter over to my mama, and she had taken the time to read what it said. I found out that wasn't the case at all. In fact, the letter was from my Grandmother Lyanna’s lawyers. They were the people she had hired as the executors of her will. And, to all of our surprise; the letter informed my mama that she was the sole beneficiary of my grandmother's estate and all her belongings. Also, my mama was to inherit a rather small fortune to the tune of $437,698.63, which I had assumed, was my grandmother's entire life savings.
The letter looked like it was going to end up being the answer to all of our prayers. But, like everything in life there was a catch. I would explain further, but instead of me getting into it, why don't you just read the letter for yourself?
Schlitzmeyer & Brown
2568 Main St.
Elmira, NY 14904
July 14, 2010
Janine Barrett-Singer
84 Rawlin Ave.
Saraland, Al 36571
Dear Janine:
I am contacting you on behalf of your mother’s (Lyanna Barrett) estate. Pryor to your mothers passing, the law offices of Schlitzmeyer and Brown had been hired by her to be the executors of her living will and affairs. As executors, our duty is to oversee that all of your mother’s final wishes are carried out to her specific instructions.
We would like to inform you, that upon your mother’s wishes, you are to inherit from her estate per her will, her home in Mt. Harrison, NY, and all the furnishing there within the dwelling and property. Along with her 2009 Cadillac ELR, and all of your mother’s liquid assets, which we believe will come to the sum of $437,698.63 U.S. dollars.
A lien to the tune of $20,000 U.S. dollars will be frozen in accordance with New York State inheritance laws for approximately six months to allow any potential creditors to come forward or to allow settlement of any outstanding debts.
It is also our responsibility to inform you that your mother had placed one stipulation on your collection of your inheritance. Upon acceptance of aforementioned inheritance, which you will have 30 days upon receiving this letter to decide if indeed you will accept, you (Janine Barrett Singer) in accordance with your mother (Lyanna Mary Barrett) wishes, agree to keep ownership of the estate at 147 Collings Avenue, Mount Harrison, New York 14510 for the duration of ONE YEAR, whereupon completion of your mother’s living will shall be satisfied, and any sale of the aforementioned estate may proceed.
It is imperative that you contact our offices upon receiving this letter. Any failure to contact us and inform us of your wishes to accept your inheritance your mother has stipulated for you to receive in her living will shall be forfeited. And, the society for the prevention of cruelty to animals