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old might be less fearsome together.
    She holds forth in this way, arguing with herself, refuting, rebutting, preparing, because any fool can see that they can’t simply go on riding into the sunset and kissing under the cottonwoods and parting in the back alley. Although, that is precisely what she wants. To simply go on, uncomplicated, like any young thing too naïve to consider the consequences of love.
    One day Leland parks the three-wheeler under the stand of cottonwoods. It’s late afternoon, the time of long shadows when the sun drops toward the edge of the world. He spreads a blanket, tan and red striped. She holds her hand off the edge of the blanket, letting a clump of prairie grass tickle her palm.
    “Can I ask you something, Janet?”
    She nods. Here it comes, she thinks. She perks up, interested to see what answer she will give.
    “What do you think about sex?” he says.
    Well, that is a surprise. Janet almost laughs. “What do you mean?”
    “Sex. Do you like it?”
    “What kind of question is that?” She’s thinking there are some things you do, and you don’t have to talk about them.
    “You like kissing, don’t you?”
    “Well, Leland.” She pulls herself up, sits as tall as she can, wraps her arms around her bent knees. She prides herself on her flexibility. Not many women her age can sit like this. “I’m not dead.”
    “That’s just it. We may not have that much time. I like you. When two people enjoy each other, they want to be close.”
    “I think sex is a beautiful thing.”
    “I’m glad you said that.”
    “Between two married people.” She says this plain. She’s thinking this is an odd conversation for a courtship. At their age.
    “Nobody said anything about marriage.”
    “Oh.” Oh dear. Oh my. She hadn’t considered . . . How could he think that? How could he even imagine she’d . . . ? She looks away, embarrassed.
    “Well, come on, now. We’re too old to complicate our lives like that.”
    He’s put on his coaxing voice, the one he uses to nicker to the horses across the fence, get them to come for the apples in his hand. If he thinks she’ll come running across the pasture to eat out of his hand, he has another think coming.
    She rises to her feet with as much dignity as she can muster. “Take me home, Leland.”
    It’s ruined after that. Sex is all he can talk about. Every outing ends, sooner or later, with him trying to talk her into doing something she simply cannot, will not do.
    “People will talk,” she says.
    “Who cares?”
    “I do. I have to live in this town.”
    “We can go out of town.”
    “I’m not going to sneak around.”
    “You could just leave your back door unlocked,” he tries. “I could slip in and out, be gone by morning.”
    She doesn’t dignify this with an answer.
    “I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage,” she says.
    “C’mon, Janet. Where’ve you been? This is the modern world.”
    “I don’t care what others do. That’s their choice.”
    “What are you afraid of? You’re not going to get pregnant.”
    How dare he make her feel like an old relic? She looks him straight in the eye, defiant. “I don’t believe in it.”
    “God gave us these desires. Why wouldn’t he want us to enjoy them?”
    “Don’t blame God for this.”
    “I’m not blaming anybody.”
    “You’re saying it’s God’s fault. You’re using God to justify your own desires.”
    “So are you.” His voice rises higher. It’s not a pleasant sound.
    “I’m talking about my faith. Not desires.”
    “You don’t have any desires.”
    “That’s not fair.”
    “I don’t think you do. I don’t think you feel anything.”
    She says nothing. How can she say anything to this man?
    “Now you’re mad.”
    “I’m not mad.”
    “You sure look mad.”
    “I’m disappointed.”
    “Esther never wanted sex,” he tells her one day.
    She knows that’s a lie. She wonders if he has had affairs, all along. Justified them with his