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to defend myself. Instead I got to my feet and said, “I want to try it again.”
    • • •
    Over the next few days, Alec and I met for training twice a day—in the morning before running practice and again in the afternoon. I was allowed to skip my regular classes so I could focus on the mission—much to Holly’s disappointment. As important as they might have been in some cases, forensic pathology, DNA profiling, and criminology wouldn’t help me much on the field.
    By the end of the week, every inch of my body was bruised and I still hadn’t made much progress. At least, that’s how I felt. Holly picked up on my worries as usual. She wrapped an arm around me as we walked through the corridor.
    “I’m scared, Holly,” I said in a small voice.
    She squeezed my shoulder.
    From the corner of my eye, I spotted Alec entering Kate’s room. The sighting felt like the last thing I needed. I wished he’d spend his time with me instead, and distract me from my worries.
    “I don’t get why he likes her,” Holly said, following my gaze.
    We stepped into our room, and I flung myself face-down on my bed, breathing in the fresh scent of the pillow.
    The mattress dipped as Holly lay down beside me. “Is this about the mission or about Alec?”
    I’d whined to her about Alec so often, it wasn’t surprising that Holly assumed he was the reason for my outburst. And while a little part of it was because of him, the mission had started consuming every one of my waking thoughts. I wanted to enjoy what little time I had left in headquarters, but the worry and fear seemed attached to me. “What if I fail? What if I don’t come back because I get myself killed?” I whispered.
    Holly sucked in a breath. “Don’t even say such a thing. Major wouldn’t send you out there if he thought there was a chance of getting you killed.” Her words sounded comforting, but I could still hear the uncertainty in her voice.
    “But missions are always dangerous,” I countered. “Major wouldn’t make an exception for anyone. And how can he make sure the killer doesn’t get me? He said it himself. Once I become Madison, I’m bait.”
    Holly was silent for a moment, her eyes wide and scared.
    “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
    “Don’t be stupid. You can talk about anything with me.” She hugged me, and I relaxed against her.
    “You know what’s kind of pathetic?” I said, hoping to lighten the mood. “If I get myself killed, I’ll die without ever having kissed a boy. Pathetic, huh? Bards will sing about the old spinster Tessa.”
    Holly lifted her head, a flicker of her usual self springing into her eyes. She wiped her hand over her nose. “Well, maybe we can do something about the kissing thing. I mean, you’ll totally live, but the never-been-kissed part is pathetic enough to fix anyway.” The corners of her lips pulled up and I forced myself to smile back at her.
    “Sheesh, thanks! Since when are you so experienced?”
    “Since I kissed Tanner.”
    “Um, that was four months ago and you were both drunk on cough syrup, so it hardly counts.”
    “Whatever.” Holly sat up. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you losing your kissing virginity.”
    “Wow, that doesn’t make me sound like a loser or anything.” Engaging in our usual banter felt so good, even if it was only temporary.
    Holly ignored me. “If we’re being honest, there’s only one person worthy of the job of kissing virginity thief.” I cringed, knowing exactly who she’d suggest. “Alec. It’s either him or no one. I mean, come on, he’s the reason you’ve been holding off.” She shrugged. “That and we’re a bit short of guys our age around here.”
    I bit my lip because it was true. Alec was the reason it had never happened before. I’d wanted him to be my first kiss since the day we met. “I don’t know,” I wavered.
    “You do want to kiss him, right?”
    I threw my arms up in the air. “I want to kiss