Read IGMS Issue 9 for Free Online Page A

true!" Still holding his wrists tightly, she shook him violently. "The animals were innocent --
I
was innocent! It was coincidence, nothing more --"
    "
Was it?
" They stared at each other for a moment longer, before Sayuri released Junko's wrists and he turned away, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter, it is of no importance. Whatever was true then, you will take no more shapes, and
I . . . 
I will stay not one day after Lord Kuroda is gone. We will retire to my home village, and I will be a big man there, and you the most beautiful and accomplished woman. And why not? -- we deserve it. And they will give us the very grandest house they possess, in my honor, and it will be smaller than this one room, and smell of old men. And why not? We have served the great
daimyo
faithfully and well, and we deserve it all."
    And saying this, he walked away, leaving Sayuri alone to bite her knuckles and make small sounds without tears.
    The old priest Yukiyasa found her so when he came to read to her, since she had not appeared at the shrine. Having performed her wedding, he regarded her therefore as his daughter and his responsibility, and he lifted her face and looked long at her, asking no questions. Not did she speak, but placed one hand over his dry, withered hand and they stood in silence, until her mind was a little eased. Then she said, in a voice that sounded as ancient as his, "I have done evil, and may do so again. Can you help me, Turtle?" For he knew perfectly well what he was called, but she was the only one permitted to address him by that name.
    Yukiyasa said, "Often and often does evil result where nothing but good was meant. I am sure this is true in your case."
    But Sayuri answered, "What I intended -- even if it was not quite I who intended it -- is of no importance. What I did is what matters."
    The priest peered at her, puzzled as he had not been in a very long time, and yet with a curious sense that he might do best to remain so. He continued. "I have many times thought that in this world far more harm is wrought by foolish men than by wicked ones. Perhaps you were foolish, my daughter. Are you also vain enough to imagine yourself the only one?"
    That won him a fragment of a smile, coming and going so swiftly that it might have been an illusion, and perhaps was. But Yukiyasa was encouraged, and he said further, "You
were
foolish, then," not making a question of it. "Well, so. I myself have done such things as I would never confess to you -- not because they were evil, but because they were so
stupid --
"
    Sayuri said, "I change into animals. People have died."
    Yukiyasa did not speak for a long time, but he never took his eyes from Sayuri's eyes. Finally he said quietly, "Yes, I see them," and he did not say whether he meant wolves or bears, or Daisuke Ikeda, Minister Shiro Nakamura or Minister Mitsuo Kondo. He said, "The
kami
did this to you before you were born. It is your fate, but it is not your fault."
    "But what
I
did is my fault!" she cried. "Death is death, killing is killing!" She paused to catch her breath and compose herself, and then went on in a lower tone. "My husband thinks that I killed those men to remove them from his path to power in the court. I say
no, no, it was the animals, not me --
but what if it is true? What if that is exactly what happened? What should I do then, Turtle, please tell me? Turtle, please!"
    The old man took her hands between his own. "Even if every word is true, you are still blameless. Listen to me now. I have studied the way of the
kami
all my life, and I am no longer sure that there is even such a thing as blame, such a thing as sin. You did what you did, and you are being punished for it now, as we two stand here. The
kami
are never punished. This is the one thing I know, daughter, with all my years and all my learning. The
kami
are never punished, and we always are."
    Then he kissed Sayuri on the forehead, and made her lie down, and recited to her from the
Kojiki
until