yourself.â
Iâd meant it as a joke, but it didnât make her smile. Instead, she reached out and handed me something across her desk.
âWhen I got here today,â she said, âI found this waiting for me.â
It was a white envelope with the top slit open. I took it, glanced at the front, which simply said âDR. SAROFFâ in typed capitals, and pulled out a single sheet of paper folded in three. There was a one sentence message inside:
WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE YOU COULDNâT BE THE NEXT ONE
and it was signed:
A FRIEND
The Counselorâs Wife had put her hand over her mouth while I read it, an involuntary gesture I hadnât seen before. I studied the page again. It looked like it had been typed on one of those cheap memory-writer machines because you could see the little dots that made up the letters. The letters were all in capitals. There was no punctuation.
âHow did you get this?â I asked her.
âAlice gave it to me. Our receptionist. It had been slipped under the front door sometime during the morning, before I got here. Actually, one of Billâs patients spotted it on the way out and handed it to her.â
âWhoâs Bill?â
âBill Biegler.â
Biegler was the name of the other shrink who shared the suite.
âCould anybody have seen whoever delivered it? One of the doormen?â
âI asked, but you know how they are. Sometimes theyâre in the lobby, sometimes not. Besides, the whole ground floor is doctorsâ offices, people come and go all the time.â
âWho else have you told about it?â
âJust Bill. Some of it.â
âCould one of your other patients have written it?â
âI thought of that. I donât see who.â
âOr anybody else?â
She shrugged, a jerky movement.
âSo you think McCloy.â
âI donât know. One minute I canât believe it. The next minute I believe it.â
âThen why donât you take it to the police?â
âBut how could I do that?â
âEasy,â I said. âTheyâve got hundreds of people on the case, a whole task force. They could trace the paper this was written on, the typewriter. Theyâre tracking down leads a lot flimsier than this one.â
âBut Iâd have to tell them about Carter, wouldnât I?â
âYes.â
âAnd what would they do to him?â
âI donât know. Probably theyâd haul him in for questioning. Theyâd â¦â
She was shaking her head, slowly, side to side.
âI couldnât do that,â she said. âEven if he did send the note, suppose that was just his idea of a joke? It would fit his sense of humor. And suppose the rest of it ⦠the correlations ⦠were just coincidence?â
âSuppose youâre wrong, in other words?â
âYes, suppose Iâm wrong. I couldnât do that to him. It would be just one more betrayal, a woman betraying him, which I think is his deepest fear. I donât want to go into it, but believe me, subconsciously he sees all women as betrayers of men, starting with his mother. Suppose the note is just a test? Heâs always tested me, thatâs obvious on the tapes.â
Maybe testing was what a shrink would call it.
âAnyway,â she said, and then she shook her head slowly again and smiled at me, one of her dazzlers, âand here comes the confession. Oh, I tell you, itâs been a great day for self-criticism. Yes, I couldnât do that to Carter, and thatâs true enough as far as it goes. But I also couldnât do it to myself. If I went to the police and it turned out I was wrong, it would ruin me professionally. I mean,â with a wave at the room, âI couldnât do this anymore, not for a day. Iâd have to go eat bonbons, whatever. Itâd be just one more case of a woman too hysterical to do a manâs work, do you know