Read If I Fall for Free Online Page B

becoming more urgent. My fingers dug into his back and I noticed his shirt was no longer there, just smooth, warm skin. I held him tighter. He groaned and shifted so he was on top of me. Something hot and firm pulsed against the inside of my thigh. But before I could think, before I could form a single thought to tell myself to move ! Stop him! a searing pain ripped through me. I stifled a scream as it tore me apart.
    My eyes flew open and Aidan hovered above me. His eyes were closed, his lips pressed together in concentration.
    “No,” I started to say but he covered my mouth with his own, silencing me.
    “ Yes....yes....yes.” He moved harder and faster against me. I clutched his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin but he didn't stop, not until he shuddered and slumped on top of me, his breath coming in ragged gasps.
    I blinked back tears. The fuzziness was gone. Everything was razor-sharp, vivid. I noticed the grain of the white wooden shutters at the windows. The sand-colored walls of the room I was in. The white bureau in the corner, its surface covered with delicate statues of ceramic angels, their smiling, serene faces gazing across the room, directly at me. I studied the acoustic ceiling and connected the raised, bumpy dots to make taunting faces and jagged, prickly flowers and gruesome, leering monsters.
    Aidan rolled off of me, a satisfied smile on his face, and I bolted upright.
    “ God, you felt good,” he said, closing his eyes again. His hands fumbled with the zipper of his jeans. He was still half-clothed, I realized. So was I. My shirt was bunched up around my neck and my underwear was stretched around my ankles like a Chinese jump rope. Still, I felt exposed. Violated.
    “ I need a bathroom.” My voice was hoarse.
    He motioned to the corner of the room. “Over there.”
    I adjusted my clothes and eased my way to the bathroom. I flicked the light switch and the room lit up, exposing walls that were painted a cool, aqua blue. I sat down on the toilet and wiped. The paper was slick with blood. My stomach heaved but I swallowed back the bile rising in my throat. My hands trembled and my legs shook violently. I sank to my knees, clutching the toilet seat as tightly as I'd gripped Aidan's shoulders only moments before. My teeth chattered uncontrollably. I took deep breaths, gulping air as if it were a cool drink of water.
    The bile rose again and this time, I couldn't swallow it back down. I vomited a fountain of red-stained liquid into the toilet. The porcelain bowl was a cool, hard pillow and I rested my head against it, hoping it would numb me. I wanted to stay there all night. I wanted to die.

NINE

    I didn't do either of those things.
    I stood up shakily, straightening my clothes and smoothing my hair as I flushed the toilet. There was a tube of toothpaste inside the mirrored medicine cabinet and I squeezed out a small ribbon and rubbed it across my teeth. I cupped my hands under the faucet and splashed water across my cheeks and into my mouth. After drying my face, I took a tentative step out of the bathroom. The bed was empty, the pink comforter hanging askew on the bed, a small round stain in the center of it, a wet spot dotted with tiny flecks of red.
    I felt a fresh surge of panic. Not at the mess in the room but the fact that I was alone. Abandoned. Had he actually left me at the party? I gripped the banister as I navigated the hallway and then the stairs, wincing at the tender ache between my thighs.
    There were more people downstairs than I remembered, a sea of faces I barely recognized. I scanned the crowd. Desiree sat on the couch, a cup of beer in her hand. A guy I didn't know was next to her, his head inclined toward her as he talked. Scotty hovered in the kitchen, his hair hanging in front of his face as he pumped the keg. I gazed around the dim living room once more and spied a familiar figure leaning over the coffee table. Aidan lifted his head then, wiping his nostril with the