mouth falls open when Iâm supposed to say something back to her, and I canât.
âNo. Ellen. Iâm. Fine,â I almost growl at her.
âWhatâs wrong? Wait!â Ellen looks at me. She knows, but she doesnât want to. Or she regrets it. She freaks out in these moments when she canât control the other person. She doesnât know what to do when she ruins things.
âI need to go.â
âNo you donât. Câmon. Iâm sorry,â Ellen says, grabbing my arm.
âIt doesnât matter if you are. You just canât say . . .â
âI know. But both those things arenât true. So itâs funny. Seriously. Because itâs not true. Itâs not.â Ellen laughs. Itâs a joke trying to get me to laugh back, but I donât. Sheâs definitely buying the ice cream now.
We walk home slowly with the cones. I hate getting anything on me, so Iâm always really careful. Mostly because itâs gross, but also mostly because when youâre even a little bigger and you get a food stain on you, even the smallest one, from an accident or a spill, that anybody could get, people think the worst. They think,
Oh, look at that fat kid, he was so hungry he just couldnât help himself. Heâs a slave to the ice cream. He was probably eating a five-gallon tub of it anyway, so I guess it serves him right. Wear a bib, fatty. Wear a
bib
!
People never say this. But they think it. And when you see it on their faces, itâs awful.
For Ellen, it doesnât matter. Sheâs always dripping on herself and no one cares. The braces are her excuse.
âHere, let me wipe your face,â I say, picking a big glob of sprinkles off her chin. She smiles thanks, and looks like she wants to say something but takes another bite. Weâre quiet for a while on the way home, which might be the ice cream, but might be the other stuff too. Weâre a block away when she says, âSo Sophie didnât tell you about the makeover thing?â
I might have an ice-cream headache, or I might be totally lost to the world, but my head actually hurts. All the words in the sentence I canât really understand. Sophie. Told. Ellen. Something I donât know.
âWhat makeover thing?â
âFor her birthday,â says Ellen.
More Words. What is this? How? What?
âNo,â I say. And Ellen just looks at me, like sheâs actually sorry for me. Like the ice cream was poisoned and I donât know it yet, but Iâm going to soon as I die right in front of her.
âItâs Allegraâs thing,â says Ellen. âI donât want to go.â
Now sheâs Invited! Iâm not even supposed to know about it, but sheâs Invited!
But I just say, âYeah. Sophie told me. Itâs cool.â
Itâs not. Itâs the furthest thing from cool ever. Itâs the opposite. Itâs the worst, the Worst Evah.
âI should just run home,â I say, not knowing what else to do, so I actually start to run. Running, I drop my ice cream right on the street, and a little flick of it splashes up and lands right in the middle of my shirt. Now everythingis officially ruined. I littered and Iâm gross. Of course Iâm not invited.
âAll right, bye,â Ellen yells after me. I bet sheâs doing her eye thing, because sheâs annoyed at me for just leaving her there. But I donât care. I really donât. I need to go. I need to be home. I need to get this shirt off. I donât care about anything else at the moment. Itâs just the shirt. And what people will think. Nothing else in the world matters. Not Ellen getting her braces off or not even not getting invited to my former best friendâs birthday party. I donât care about that. At all. I just want this shirt off so I donât have to be the fat kid who couldnât help himself. Thatâs all I want.
CHAPTER 5
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