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smoker. “I cried… I haven’t been able to cry since Dev died and finally my tears come but they’re for you!” I said and pointed to him. “I loved Dev, still do, for three years! How can I-” I choked up. “How can I have feelings for you? It’s wrong,” I said. “It’s like I’m betraying him.”
    “Sloane,” said Siva thickly. “Dev would want you to be happy.”
    “Do you think he’d want me to be happy with his messed up brother?” I laughed thickly.
    Siva abruptly stood up. He glared down at me. “I may have my issues but I am not the monster my family makes me out to be! You don’t know the half of it!” he snarled.
    Startled I scooted back on the bed. “Siva… that’s not what I meant.”
    He turned around and glared at the door. “Dr. Fletcher will be here to see you soon.”
    He stormed towards the door.
    “Siva!” I called before the door promptly slammed shut.
    I flinched.
    * * *
    The doctor flashed the light back and forth between my eyes and made a noise in the back of his throat. Siva sulked in the corner with his arms mournfully crossed over his chest. He refused to meet my eye.
    He clucked his tongue and pulled out his stethoscope to check my heartbeat. Assured that it was fine he moved on to my blood pressure.
    “All seems good,” he said. “You’ve just been under a lot of emotional stress is all,” said the gray headed man. He rubbed idly at his thick beard and began to run down a check list of questions.
    “When was your last period?” he asked.
    I blanched startled and looked at Siva. He was visibly grinding his teeth.
    “Uh-,” I said, “I don’t remember.”
    The doctor clucked his tongue.
    “You’ve been under stress so I understand your lapse,” he dug in his bag and came up with a clear container. “I want you to go pee in this and then we’ll take a pregnancy test,” he said.
    Heat flushed my cheeks. “I’m on birth control,” I muttered.
    He shrugged his thin shoulders. “Accidents can still happen,” he said. “Better safe than sorry.”
    I snatched the offending cup from his hands and marched into the bathroom. I only hoped I could pee with an audience on the other side of the door. After a few tense moments I managed to fill the container.
    I could not be pregnant. I was not ready to be a parent. I didn’t think it was possible anyway but I would placate the doctor and the doubts now racing on a speedway through my mind.
    “Here,” I shoved the container into the doctor’s waiting hands. He promptly stuck a white stick in it.
    Siva eyed me from across the room. The atmosphere in the room seemed to grow dark.
    A few tense moments passed before the doctor said, “You’re not pregnant.”
    “Thank God!” I said and threw my hands in the air. But suddenly I felt bad. I touched my empty womb. Dev’s child was not inside me, never would be.
    “Well,” said the doctor, “you appear to be fine. You might get a bit of a cold but other than that I think you’re okay,” he said and smiled kindly.
    Siva paid the doctor and he gathered his items and left.
    “Siva,” I said quietly once the doctor left.
    “Yes?” he asked turning to me.
    I crossed my arms protectively over my chest. “Is it… Is it wrong of me to be relieved?”
    Siva gave me a small smile and when he saw that I was about to collapse he wrapped me into his arms.
    “No,” he said with conviction. “It’s not wrong. Don’t beat yourself up about this.”
    I shook my head and sat down on the bed. Siva sat beside me but let go of me.
    I looked up at him e motion pooling in my gold eyes. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I honestly didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
    “I know,” he sighed. “I overreacted. I tend to do that,” he added with a chuckle.
    I rubbed my face, my eyes, “I better get to sleep,” I said quietly. “I have work tomorrow.”
    “Of course,” he replied and his British accent made me want to melt. “I’ll see you for