Read How to Twist a Dragon's Tale (Hiccup) for Free Online Page B

said Humungous, shaking his head. "The boy's nostrils are the largest I have ever seen."
    "And skiing? Dragon riding? Bashyball skills?" asked Stoick.
    "Nothing to what they were in my prime," said Humungous sadly, "but still tip-top, A-Grade, first-class. Us Ex-Heroes don't do mediocre."
    "Is it just me, " whispered Fishlegs, "or is this guy really rather irritating?"
    "It's just you," said Hiccup, gazing at Humungous in total admiration.
    "And harping?" asked Stoick. "I am just assuming, with that magnificent waistline of yours, that you can sing a splendiferous Saga?"
    "Once there was a lady," sighed Humungous sadly, "who claimed she would have DIED for my singing. Singing was my specialty, but NO MORE. Fifteen years working in those Jail-Forges, and my voice is completely broken. The gold dust crept into my lungs, the heat burned out my voice box. And worst of all, I have lost the will, the heart, the desire to do it... I will NEVER sing again."
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    HEROIC SWORDFIGHTING TIPS
    [Image: The old "I do it better blind forded feel-the-Force" trick.]
    [Image: The Hypnotizing Switchers make sure you do not confuse your RSELF.]
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    HEROIC SWORDFIGHTING TIPS
    [Image: The Flask-kick with-thrust chin gummy]
    [Image: Do be careful of your BACK Remember: you are not as young as you were.]
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    "That's a shame," said Stoick, "I do love a nice singsong. Never mind. In every other way you seem perfect for the job. Will you be my son's Bardiguard? I will pay you handsomely."
    "I accept the post with pleasure," said Humungous immediately. "I'm saving up to buy a little farm somewhere quiet and out the way."
    "Excellent!" smiled Stoick the Vast. And Stoick bustled off to call a meeting of the local Tribes, so he could form a War Party to fight the Exterminators.
    "Will you teach me that Flash-thrust with twist thingy that you did in the Fire?" asked Hiccup, looking delightedly up at Humungous.
    "Of course," said his new Bardiguard, who was busy sharpening his sword.
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    6. HICCUP'S BARDIGUARD HAS A BUSY TIME
    Stoick rather regretted hiring Humungous over the next couple of weeks.
    Everybody, including Hiccup, seemed to think he was absolutely marvelous. He autographed axes, spears, favorite dragons, even Baggybum's famous beerbelly
    "Even his WRITING is humungously cool," sighed Baggybum, gazing down at the stylish scrawl on his tummy. "I'll never wash again ..."
    "Did you ever?" grunted Stoick, thinking, Who does this Humungous guy think he IS?
    And that was the other thing.
    Everybody normally followed Stoick's lead where it came to fashion.
    That meant the beard was worn au naturel, in a tremendous tangly mess the size of a large and complicated bird's nest that had recently been attacked by a weasel.
    The whole was then decorated with a lavish sprinkling of food droppings.
    Suddenly, everybody was appearing with their
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    [Image: Gobber's beard had turned with a not of ringlets... overnight...]
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    [Image: The Vicious Twins has been polis hang chew helmets candid they sparkled.]
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    beards immaculately groomed, just like Humungous's, and the ends of the moustaches elaborately twiddled and coaxed in pretty little curls. And Stoick strongly suspected they were WASHING, not to mention doing up their shirt buttons, and polishing their helmets till they shone.
    "What have you done to your beard?" Stoick demanded of a rather guilty-looking Gobber, whose haystack had turned into a riot of ringlets overnight.
    Gobber blushed.
    "Oh this ..." said Gobber carelessly. "It's just the latest fashion, you know ... more HEROIC ... Everybody's doing it."
    "Well, you all look ridiculous," blustered Stoick.
    But what he found by far the most difficult part of the whole Bardiguard business, was that Hiccup seemed to look up to Humungous so much. It was all "Humungous this" and "Humungous that" nowadays.
    Indeed, Hiccup did admire Humungous.
    Here was a Hero a cut above the usual uncouth Barbarian. His fighting wasn't just the usual loutish bonking on