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bit an’ flopped on a bunk to talk an’ play cards.
    My brain went dead.  I couldn’t believe what I’d just done, all without any real fight.  Somethin’ I’d never of thought could happen to me.  But it had.  An’ I couldn’t even think about it.  I just lay where they left me an’ my mind stayed blank.  I’d of lay there all night but after about an hour, Paco slapped my ass an’ told me it was his buddy’s bunk, so I had to climb onto a top one.  I spent the night starin’ at the ceilin’, not thinkin’ or anything.  I felt filthy an’ sick an’ I was shakin’ an’ I hated my fuckin’ mother so fuckin’ much, right then, if she’d come t’ get me I’d probably have killed her.  I didn’t sleep a wink.
    But that wasn’t the worst part.  That came the next night, after lights out.  That’s when Paco an’ his buddies yanked me off my bunk an’ slammed me against the wall.  Then Paco started rubbin’ my ass an’ tellin’ his buddies how nice an’ round it was.  He said it in Spanish, not realizin’ I knew some.  Just enough to figure out what he’s sayin’.
    I tried to get away from him, but his guys held me too tight.  So I said, “C’mon, man, I did what you wanted, last night.  So leave me alone.  Please, man...please.”
    Paco laughed an’ yanked my pants down to my knees, then he pulled my briefs down.  Then he rubbed his hands over my skin, sayin’, “He’s sweet.  Smooth as my bitch’s ass.  An’ white.”  An’ then he rammed himself inside me.  No warnin’, just somethin’ that felt as big as a fuckin’ banana suddenly inside me.
    I felt like I was being ripped in half, it hurt so fuckin’ much!  I screamed, I know, but I don’t remember for how long.  All I can tell you for sure is, he kept pumpin’ into me an’ it kept hurtin’ an’ his buddies kept gigglin’ about it for what seemed like hours before he stopped.  Then the others fucked me, each one of ‘em.  An’ when they were done, they said I was theirs.  Let everybody in the jail know it.  I didn’t have the first fuckin’ idea what to do, so I let ‘em get away with it.  An’ I kept tellin’ myself I could hold out till my time was up.
    But after a couple weeks, Paco got sick of me an’ started tryin’ to pass me around for cigs an’ dope.  By that point, I wasn’t dumb-fuck enough to let ‘em turn me into a jailhouse cunt, so I let slip to the whole wing how “Paco’d slapped me with a dose of herpes.”  Nobody wanted to even try me out, then.  He got pissed as shit when he found out, an’ him an’ his vatos came close to killin’ me, that night -- punchin’ me an’ kickin’ me an’ throwin’ me around.  I let ‘em till they threw me on the bunk an’ started rippin’ at my pants.  I was ready for ‘em, this time.  I’d hidden a plastic fork behind the bed.  I got real still, like I’d given up was gonna let ‘em butt-fuck me, again.  Then just as Paco was ready to plow into me, I jolted an’ kicked his amigos off me an’ swung the fork at Paco.  I nearly ripped his balls off.  Then I used it to hold his vatos back till the guards came.  They didn’t have much choice, that time, he was screamin’ so fuckin’ loud.  The second I heard ‘em gettin’ close, I broke the fork, chucked it down the toilet an’ flushed.
    Shit, I couldn’t tell who was more pissed -- the vatos or the guards cause they couldn’t prove I had a weapon.  They threw me into a basement cell for a week, anyway, till they could sort their shit out.  Then I got released after the infirmary doctor confirmed I was just defendin’ myself against “a brutal sexual assault,” an’ they shifted the vatos to another cell block.  I got even smarter an’ told this guy from that block who was in the infirmary, that Paco’s buddies loved to suck me off as Paco raped me.  I hear they really did get to where they did, before long.  An’ the best part is, word