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that we are not victims of our habitual patterns. It can definitely feel like we are victims of our habitual patterns; they have a very sneaky way of getting the better of us. But the path of meditation addresses these patterns very directly, and it begins to unwind this whole sense of being imprisoned by our own mind.
    The mind is the source of all suffering, and it is also the source of all happiness. Think about that. In fact, you can contemplate this for the rest of your life. When something comes up in your life that causes you dissatisfaction, or triggers habitual patterns and reactivity, or makes you angry, lonely, and jealous, ask yourself: Are these emotions happening because of outer circumstances? Are they completely dependent on outer circumstances?
    The path of meditation says that we have to work with our mind, and that if we do work with our mind, the outer circumstances become workable. Things that used to irritate and bother us or that trigger our reactivity and habitual patterns begin to dissolve. So whenever you find yourself caught in an emotional attack, you have to ask yourself: “How much of this is really happening on the outside, and how much of this is my mind?”
    I really challenge you to ask this kind of question every moment, every second of your day, and every day of your week, and every week of your month, and every month of your year. I really urge you to work on this. And you can do it in the manner that the Buddha suggested, which is that we look closely at where our fears and suffering originate. This is different from closing our minds to what is happening, the details of a scenario, and saying, “This is ridiculous—this is clearly Tim’s fault.” Or, “If those people in the office could just get it together then I wouldn’t be having this problem.” This is challenging because our experience of our minds can feel so true, so real. Meditation allows us to see the suffering our minds inflict on us.
    The guideline is this: if you’re hooked, then you need to work on your side of the situation, no matter how outrageous and unjust the outer circumstances might seem. If you’re hooked, this is a clue that you have some work to do—and you, only you, can call yourself back. This is the basic attitude of meditation.

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    UNCONDITIONAL FRIENDLINESS
    W henever we practice meditation, it is important to try to refrain from criticizing ourselves about how we practice and what comes up in our practice. This would only be training in being hard on ourselves! I want to emphasize the importance of maintaining an atmosphere of unconditional friendliness when you practice and as you take your practice out into the world. We can practice for a lot of years—I know many people who have practiced for countless years, decades even—and somewhere along into their umpteenth year, it dawns on them that they haven’t been using that practice to develop lovingkindness for themselves. Rather, it’s been somewhat aggressive meditation toward themselves, perhaps very goal-oriented. As someone said, “I meditated all those years because I wanted people to think I was a good Buddhist.” Or, “I meditated all those years out of a feeling of I should do this, it would be good for me.” And so naturally we come to meditation with the same attitudes with which we come to everything. I’ve seen this with students time and time again, and it is very human.
    Rather than letting this be something to feel bad about, you can discover who you are at your wisest and who you are at your most confused. You get to know yourself in all your aspects: at times completely sane and openhearted and at other times completely messed up and bewildered. We are all at times a basket-case. Meditation gives you the opportunity to get to know yourself in all those aspects. Judging ourselves for how our practice is going or what might be coming up for us during meditation is a kind of subtle aggression toward ourselves.
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