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version of her. And she
deserved a clear in or out from him. Yes or no.
    “Look, Daniel, I can’t leave my
heart out for you to decide if you’re interested. If it’s not the
right time for you, that’s fine. If you’re not interested in me,
that’s fine. Waiting around for you to decide on either of those
things just plain sucks.” And none of it was fine, but she’d force
it to be fine, or she’d keep saying it was fine until one of them
believed her.
    “No, I am interested, and I think
that’s part of it.” He sighed. “I feel like a horrible person
saying this out loud. I feel more strongly about you than I did for
Nadia, but I also knew Nadia wasn’t going to live forever. I wonder
if I held back with her—and now it’s too late.”
    She blinked and stared straight
ahead. She’d never expected to feel so crappy when someone told her
they were interested in her. It was so couched in his feelings for
his wife. I like you better than my late wife, but now I know
it’s too late to feel all this with her, and I held back with her
and…. No version of her would get excited about that mixed
bag.
    “I’m saying this all
wrong.”
    She couldn’t disagree there. He
wasn’t saying it right. Thus far, his words were like taking a
soccer ball straight to the gut. There were wounds you couldn’t
just rub some dirt on and make them fine.
    “I’m sorry if being around me makes
you feel guilty about how you felt about your wife.” She clenched
her teeth and blinked furiously. “That’s not my fault, though.” Her
voice cracked just a bit at the end, but hopefully he hadn’t heard
that.
    “It’s not. I’m sorry. I’m just
struggling to know how I want to feel about all this—which sounds
like gibberish when I say it.”
    She shook her head, even though he
couldn’t see it. “I don’t think you’re ready to start dating…and I
just don’t…. I just can’t….” She couldn’t be the one to get her
heart sent through the shredder. She didn’t deserve it.
Self-preservation.
    “Lauren, please don’t hang up.
Please.”
    “Yes?” She was at the edge of a
cliff. One more wrong word, and she’d give up.
    “I want to be ready, and I want to
date you. I think the fact that you make me want so much and you
make me feel so alive…is what scares me and has me doubting things.
I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.”
    Well, that was better, but…it was
just so much work. Was she lazy for wishing things were easier and
simpler?
    Maybe.
    Gutless?
    Sure.
    Could it be worth it?
    She swallowed. If she walked away
from this chance, she’d never forgive herself, and she’d measure
every relationship up against what this could have been. Some
things were worth it.
    “Okay,” she said.
    “I want to go to the Halloween party
with you. Am I still invited?”
    “Maybe.”
    “I’ll be a zombie if you’ll give me
a second chance.”
    She smiled. “If I had a nickel for
every time a guy said that.” She settled back against the couch
cushions. Sometimes things came back from the dead. Zombies. Her
love life.

Four Days Later
     
    “He’s meeting me here,” Lauren told
her friend Melissa as they set up for the party.
    “You really like this guy, huh?”
Melissa set out a tray of cookies. “I asked someone to bring a
veggie tray, but I don’t know why. The only one who eats healthy is
you—and maybe your guy. The rest of us will just hoover this plate
of cookies in the first five minutes, and I’ll have to break out my
emergency Oreos.”
    “I do like him, but…is this all the
cookies?” There were around six dozen, but Melissa wasn’t kidding
about the group’s sweet tooth.
    “No, this is what I’m in charge of.
Everyone else is bringing something too.”
    “Why didn’t you ask me to bring
something?”
    Melissa blushed. “We all kind of
wondered if you’d have enough on your plate scrambling for a date
so you wouldn’t be embarrassed after the big stink you threw