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hasn’t helped. I also pray and go to church, but the temptation is
still there. What do I do?
    The apostle Paul said, “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom. 7:19 esv). And then he said, “Who will rescue me from this body of death?” (Rom. 7:24). There was a sense of desperation. Only a relationship with Christ could bring about real change. Tyler, God knows the pain in your heart, but He also says, “I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you . . . not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).
    I’ve been with God all of my life, but I’ve been an alcoholic for thirty-seven
years. I’ve got two wonderful children I love, and I love my ex-wife too. Now I
have nobody. For twenty years I raised my kids, but I wasn’t really there because
of my alcoholism. When the divorce finally went through, it just blew me away
and right now I don’t care.
    Do you have a plan for committing suicide?
    Yeah, I’ve got a gun sitting right here.
    How long have you had this plan?
    I’ve been thinking about it for the last twelve months. I have lived forty-nine
years, and all those years have been hell. I’ve loved God, I know the Bible, I’ve
asked God to help me so many times . . . but every time I pray for help, nothing
happens.
    Let me ask you: Do you believe that Jesus is God?
    Yes, I do.
    When He was in the garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “Let this cup pass from me.” 1 If Jesus, who is God, prayed to the Father and that prayer was not answered, there was a more perfect will. We may not understand God’s will at the time, but there is always a bigger picture that we can’t see. You said you have children—how old are they?
    A daughter who is twenty-two and a son who’s nineteen. I love them both. But
I’ve burned so many bridges that I don’t have anyone to grab onto.
    God has a plan for you, Tyler. There is a reason I asked about your son and daughter. You told me you love them very much. At times we think,
There is no hope for me. I don’t have any choice.
When your kids and your ex-wife say, “Hey, I don’t want to be a part of your life anymore,” you don’t have that control. So the issue isn’t just about you . . . it’s about the devastation to the family. Are you aware of what happens when a parent commits suicide? The children have a huge sense of guilt, as though it was their fault. They carry that for years and years.
    But then why don’t they show you the love when you’re going through the pain
and the hurt?
    Frustration and immaturity. But if you really truly love them, will you do what is loving toward them? I’m talking about making the decision to say, “Yes, I’ve hurt them in the past, but I will do my best to stop hurting them in the future.” You have a choice right now, and it’s an extremely important choice. . . . Where’s the gun right now?
    It’s right by my side.
    I would like for you to make a godly choice right now to unload the gun. Take the bullets out.
    Okay. Can you hold on for a minute?
    I will hold.
    All right, it’s unloaded.
    Take those bullets and put them in another room. Now, you said you truly love your son and daughter and even your ex-wife. A son and a daughter both want the best relationship possible with their daddy. The most difficult thing about suicide is there is no way that they can have a relationship in the future.
    But they don’t want me.
    They don’t want what they’ve had with your addiction. Every son and daughter wants the best relationship possible. With suicide you cut off all potential in the future, but more than that, you don’t want to do this because you told me you really love them. Actions and addictions can be changed. You don’t want to destroy your kids, do you?
    No, I don’t.
    I don’t think you are that self-consumed, that self-centered that you would want to inflict pain for years. So what we’ve got to do, then, is come up