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him,” I protested. “I’m not thinking about dating him, either. I’m just standing there, and he’s making funny remarks, and I’m laughing.”
    Obviously Kate thought I was weird. And Kate has to be the most open-minded person I know. If Kate thought I was weird, who knew what everybody else was thinking.
    I sank back in my seat and told myself I didn’t care what everybody else thought; I was my father’s daughter, and I could shrug off the comments of the world and take the path less traveled by…but it was not true. I didn’t want them talking about me and making sideways faces at me and snickering. I didn’t want to be different. It was different enough just to be Holly Carroll, minister’s daughter, dollhouse-builder, and winter-hater.
    “I mean, there are eleven hundred college men running around this town,” said Kate. “You don’t need to look at rejects like Jamie Winter.”
    “He isn’t a reject,” I said. “He’s just younger .”
    Kate looked at me nervously, as though she was afraid I would next announce my engagement to this younger person. She began telling me about her date with Gary Beaulieu. I don’t know if she was trying to change the subject or encourage me with descriptions of excellent eighteen-year-olds, but what she did was depress me terribly.
    My pesky kid brother Christopher was dating. My best friend Kate was dating. My nemesis-in-homeroom Hope had dated since she was in her cradle. And what was I doing? Talking to some junior about English assignments.
    We were passing Nelson’s Clothiers on the opposite side of College Avenue. There’s a sign in the window at Nelson’s: CLOSED FOR INVENTORY. The sign’s been up for two years. They take very thorough inventories in Nelson’s. “I am beginning to suspect,” I told Kate, “that Nelson’s has gone out of business, but I don’t want to be premature in my judgment.”
    Kate giggled. “You’re so funny, Holl,” she said.
    I was about to tell her that the person who was funny was Jamie Winter, but then I thought, better not. If I keep bringing him up, she’ll start worrying about me. Pretty soon there’ll be gossip about Jamie and Hollyberry. I’ll be accused of cradle-robbing, and Jamie will get teased for wanting older women. And I’ll be embarrassed because Jamie didn’t mean a thing by it, and he’ll be humiliated because everyone will think he did.
    Life, I thought, staring at the fresh flakes of snow that were gently drifting down on the street and the cars, is too complex for me.

Five
    “O H, COME ON, HOLLY ,” said Lydia irritably. “Don’t be such a spoilsport all the time. You won’t go skating. You won’t go skiing. Now you won’t even go to the movies with us! I’m beginning to think that you have whatever it is, that fear of crowds, or something.”
    “Agoraphobia,” said Kate. “She doesn’t have agoraphobia, Lydia.”
    I shifted my weight from one frozen foot to the other. I know I spend the majority of my time comfortably indoors, but my winter memories are all of the discomfort outdoors. “Can’t go,” I said. I tried to think of good excuses other than the real one, but I am not much of a fibber. I’m not sure if it’s lack of practice or the conscience my parents instilled in me, but I find fake excuses hard to come by.
    “Look at it this way, Holly,” said Kate. “The movie is inside. It’s going to be hot in there. You can have buttered popcorn and chocolate-covered raisins. Not one single cold-weather worry.”
    I thought about having hot buttered popcorn in my left hand and chocolate-covered raisins in my right hand and a large soda propped between my knees. My brother thinks it’s completely revolting to eat those three things at one time, but I think it’s heaven. I’d be willing to watch anything in exchange for buttered popcorn and chocolate-covered raisins. I said, “But I can’t.”
    Even Kate was exasperated with me. “Holly, none of us has a date for