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you, Kate. Do whatever feels right. That’s how I play it.”
    His statement sounds loaded and he lets me know that it is with his intense gaze that follows. His hand finds the small of my back and he winds the fingers of his other hand into mine. His hips meet mine and I can feel every contour of his hard, chiseled body against me. The fact that we’re the exact same height excites me in a way I never expected. With Jaylee so close we touch evenly – hip to hip, chest to chest and most importantly, eye to eye. It makes me feel like we’re equals and it’s incredibly sexy. There are infinite points of contact between our two bodies and only a thin layer of clothing to separate us. Jaylee smiles and laughs at me. He pulls me even closer and begins to move against my body.
     
    The night flies by. The small bar in its entirety has transformed into a dance floor; all of the tables and chairs have been pushed aside to make more room. The heat and humidity coupled with syrupy drinks has gotten to me. I’m light headed and dizzy. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. My desire for Jaylee is overwhelming. I’m not used to dealing with such an urgent need. I feel especially threatened because the whole thing looms with an expiration date, unknown as of yet, but still very real to me.
    I tell Jaylee that I need to use the restroom and he accompanies me to the door and waits outside for me as he’s been doing all night. The gesture reminds me of clubbing with my girlfriends in college when we always went to the bathroom in pairs. I look into the mirror and study my sweaty face. My mascara has run, but my cheeks are red and my eyes look bright. I run cold water from the tap and cup it to my face and drink. New Jersey water tastes terrible. But it’s cold and it feels so good that I decide to wash my face. I grab a handful of the brown, scratchy paper towels and try to rub the transferred mascara from under my eyes.
    “Kate?”
    I turn and recognize an old friend, Claribel, washing her hands in another steel sink. She flaps the water drips off of her hands and kisses me on the cheek with a quick hug. I know Claribel from teaching together as adjuncts at the CUNY Graduate Center. She specializes in classical Italian Literature but she’s originally from Cuba. She’s always been a follower of the Cuban music scene in New Jersey. The last time we really hung out together was the summer before Pearl was born. We used to get coffee in between classes and sometimes catch dinner when Robert was stuck late at the office. We even went out salsa dancing together a few times since Robert refuses to dance and Claribel was single back in those days.
    “Kate, it’s been ages! You look amazing. How are Robert and the girls?” Claribel asks.
    It sounds so innocent the way she says it. She has no idea of the mess I’m in right now. I’d like to be able to keep it that way.
    “Claribel, it’s been so long! I must look crazy,” I tell her. “I’m here with a friend.” The words gush out of me and I sound drunk even to myself. Claribel isn’t an idiot. She raises one eyebrow and then laughs hugging me.
    “Are you drunk, Kate?” She asks.
    “I drank a lot. Rum.” I make a screwed up face at her. “I’m here with a kid named Jaylee. He’s really just a friend,” I yell over the music.
    I want it to sound convincing but it doesn’t and I can feel myself blushing.
    “Well, introduce me and you can meet my boyfriend Santiago. He’s in our field. I met him at the conference in Buenos Aires last year and we moved in together three months later.” Claribel updates me on her new teaching position and what she’s been working on over the last few years. She’s been publishing like crazy and it seems pretty much a guarantee that she’ll get tenure. I tell her about Ada and Pearl and Robert because I really don’t have anything to say about myself.
     
    Claribel looks surprised when I introduce her to Jaylee. I know