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French boy, well, not a boy, a man, but a young man—’
    â€˜Mum! Does this have a point?’
    â€˜Don’t be rude, flower. Men don’t find it attractive when you’re rude. Yes, the point is that Max moved back to England and went back to work and had a massive hit last year, and she stopped over here yesterday on the way to Sydney for her new project and told me all about it. And I asked if there was room on her crew for my talented daughter!’
    Producer? Hit? I wasn’t so prideful to knock back a film job, even if it came from a friend of my mum’s. ‘What was her hit last year?’
    â€˜Sweetness, you should guess!’
    â€˜Mum, I’m not guessing.’
    â€˜Go on! Guess!’
    â€˜Argh! Fine. Was it an indie flick? Or a mainstream movie?’
    My mother fell apart in peals of laughter. ‘Even better than those! It was Erotic Island .’
    â€˜I’ve never heard of it.’
    â€˜Precious!’ Mum sounded horrified. ‘How is that possible? Everyone on the planet has at least heard of the island, and at least one billion people watched it.’
    â€˜What? What is this movie?’
    â€˜ Erotic Island wasn’t a movie, sweetie, it was a reality show.’
    â€˜TV? Reality TV?’ I couldn’t keep the sneer out of my voice.
    Mum didn’t notice. ‘It was so wonderful! The Australian couple were just divine, and the royal boy and his African bride, and don’t even get me started on the Japanese girl …’ She sighed happily. ‘I’m so excited about the sequel.’
    â€˜Sequel?’
    â€˜Yes, schnookums, keep up. Max is in Sydney for EI2 , and she said she has a position for you as a crew member. You have to be at Circular Quay by six tomorrow morning. Oh, and take a bag; they’re filming on board a ship! Isn’t that exciting?’
    â€˜Mum, Mum, slow down—’
    â€˜I know, I should have rung you yesterday, but I spent all day at the spa with the girls, and then we had a few too many, and my afternoon nap just finished now. But don’t worry, it’s five there now, so you’ve got all night to pack.’
    â€˜It’s five in the morning here,’ I said, mind blown that my mother still couldn’t understand time differences after all those years.
    Mum squealed. ‘Oh! Well, hurry, my gorgeous child. Get to the quay, ask for Max, and have a wonderful time. Love you, mwah, mwah! ’
    â€˜Mum, wait!’ She was gone. ‘Crap!’ I tried to call her back, but my phone slipped through my fingers and into a slimy puddle of Sydney rainwater. If I wasn’t out of options before, I was now.
    I slid down the wall and sat in a crumpled pile, contemplating my life. I hated reality TV with a passion—I’d promised myself when I started working as an AD that I’d never do television full stop, let alone something as loathsome as those revolting shows.
    But the girl who made those promises hadn’t been homeless or broke. And, it’s on a ship — that means food and shelter, right? I can do anything for a few months. Get in, get paid, and get out. I just won’t put it on my resume when I’m done.
    I didn’t even have a watch to look at, but I knew that I’d have to run if I was going to make it. Standing up, I shrugged on my backpack and began to jog.
    ***
    At five to six, I hit the quay, pounding along the same wooden boards I’d walked the previous night with Tanner. Refusing to dwell, I saw the only ship at the moorings and sprinted faster, my veins pumping gluggy blood around my system.
    Two men were raising the gangplank to the enormous cruise liner. ‘Wait!’ I yelled, desperate and waving. ‘Wait! I’m with the crew.’
    They stopped, looking doubtfully at me as I screeched to a halt, Road Runner style. In my ripped, soggy clothes, topped by shagged hair and blood-shot sleep-deprived eyes, I