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thanks to the spasm of my hands, and the weight crushing my chest got a little bit heavier.
    My heartbeat throbbed in my neck, taking on a life of its own and making me uncomfortably cognizant of the oxygen I still breathed that so many, after today, would not.
    This was the result of hate. Strong and unmitigated, and worst of all, growing by the day. Our world was full of bitterness and intolerance rather than understanding and acceptance. Our opinions refused to cross cultural lines, and instead of respecting others’ thoughts as their own, we criticized.
    But knowing all of this would do nothing to stop it. We were all guilty. We didn’t live in a utopian society with no villains or criminals, wrongdoing and malicious intent, and as pleasant as a world without judgement sounded, it would never happen.
    I wanted so badly to do something. To be the something that someone needed me to be.
    To reach out to Blane and take his hand.
    Instead, the stinging of my nose warned of fresh tears, and I remained in place at my desk.
    Several minutes ticked by, and as each of them passed, the despondence and grief of so many of us thickened the air. The evidence of my sadness soaked the collar of my shirt, my silent cries the only consolation I could offer the people who were truly suffering.
    For years, I had prided myself on my courageousness. But on a day when I truly should have shown it, a day when I could have been more for those who needed it, it turned out I had none.
    I should have gone to him despite the void. Loved him though the hate. And embraced a friendship that had been several years in the making.
    But instead I sat cowardly to the side and watched as Blane lost a little more of his everything.
    “Oh my God!” I heard screamed from somewhere behind me.
    My eyes hadn’t left the screen, but lost in my own melancholy, the sight before me had blurred.
    As it snapped back into focus, I watched in horror as, once prominent and proud, the South Tower crumbled into itself, cascading and breaking and taking far too many lives with it.
    Screams filled the air, and Blane jumped violently to standing beside me.
    Please God, let his father have gotten out. God in heaven, please, please, please make it so everyone got out.
    Finally, I found my voice, turning to Blane’s desk as quickly as I could.
    But I was too late.
    All I saw was the back of Blane’s sprinting form as he left the classroom behind.
    The classroom phone hanging on the wall rang as I stood up to follow him.
    Making my way out of my desk, I watched as Mr. Phillips put the phone to his ear, his eyes coming to me as I wove through the students in front of me.
    “Alright,” he said into the phone, hanging it up, and raising his hand at me.
    “Go back to your seat, Whitney. Please.” His eyes were pleading.
    Torn, I looked between him and the door, wishing I knew what the right thing to do was.
    Of course, there was no right thing to do. All I could do was pray that as many people as possible had gotten out.
    That William Hunt had gotten out.
    Retracing my steps, I headed back for my desk, defeated.
    The sound of the TV turning off echoed like a gunshot.
    “Administration says all TVs need to be turned off and stay off,” Mr. Phillips informed us as I sank slowly down. Frustration pulsed in my temples, but at the same time, I understood. Their job was to keep order and keep the students safe. We had the right to know what was going on, to see it for ourselves, but too many people had parents or other relatives that were involved.
    Blane could pretty much get away with anything, but they didn't need the whole school running amuck.
    So I sat in my seat, kept my head down, and did what I was told.
    I’ve never been more disgusted with myself.

    TWO HOURS LATER, I FOUND myself sitting on the hard wood of the gymnasium’s bleachers, surrounded by people but feeling very much alone.
    It didn’t take the school long to figure out that there would be no focus that