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notice. Please don’t think I’m ungrateful. But I don’t want anybody babysitting me, or taking a bullet for me. I’ll be my own goddam bodyguard. School is out in a week, and I’m going to disappear ... let things cool down.”
    “Where?” John Sive demanded.
    “Fire Island. Spend the summer with Steve Goodnight.” Vince laughed with raunchy glee.
    “You call Fire Island disappearing?” he wanted to know. The two vets let their eyes rest briefly on Vince’s magnificent crotch, as if it was a Vietcong booby trap. “Don’t woriy,” I said. “I’ll manage.”
    “Steve isn’t exactly invisible,” added John. “Not after all the uproar about his last book.”
    “I’m going to look at the water,” I said, as if I hadn’t heard them. “Do some writing. I used to be a sportswriter . . . remember? I’d better have a back-up profession. What if Prescott fires me? What other school is going to hire me?”
    “Better take your .45,” Harry told me.
    “Sure,” I said recklessly. “The cops are pretty liberal in his part of the Island. They won’t like the idea of a nut shooting at summer people. We’ll be okay.”
    Harry shrugged. “I hope we don’t have to say I told you
    so.”
    John’s lips were pressed shut. His eyes were angry, remote.
    Only Chino’s eyes lingered on me, with a haunted anxiety.
    “If you need us, call us,” he said.
    Letting the bodyguards go did make me feel naked. A sniper had every advantage on his side. But my plan to disappear was all worked out.
    “Well,” said Harry, “that’s it, then. John, you heading for San Francisco?”
    “As fast as I can,” said John crisply.
    “Vince, where are you off to?” Harry asked.
    “New York City,” said Vince.
    “I hope that means you’re getting a job,” I said.
    “Got one already,” Vince shot back.
    “Doing what?”
    “Ram signed me for a film,” he said, just a little defensively.
    “A porno film,” I said.
    ‘Yeah.”
    At this news, the other three men kept their faces expressionless.
    “A year ago, you turned Ram down,” I said.
    “I’m flat broke. I’m only going to do it once.”
    “They’re giving you top billing, I hope?” I couldn’t hold back the sarcasm.
    “I’m the star.”
    ‘You majored in TV film production. What’s a bright kid like you doing in front of the camera with no clothes on?”
    ‘You’re not my mom,” Vince growled.
    “Mother knows best. And before you go, give me Billy’s shoe.”
    “Fuck you. It came off in my hand.”
    Chino shook his head, and lit another Tiparillo. Harry looked like he wanted his shot of bourbon. But they wouldn’t
    drink on duty. They’d get blasted on the plane to L.A. John leaned back in his corner and closed his eyes — he needed a nap. The last two years had aged Billy’s dad by ten years.
    We were crossing a city square, where thousands of pigeons were flying around a few old people feeding them. I could see the set of the porno film, probably somebody’s penthouse living room, shades down, hot lights, camera moving in for the extreme close-up. Many years ago, I’d donned a black-leather mask and made a film myself. Just once, for groceries.
    The Bible was right about one thing — not throwing the first stone.
    Back on campus next evening, around 9 p.m., Betsy and I were lounging on her downstairs window-seat. She occupied a small faculty house not far from mine. I’d gotten so worried about endangering her and the baby that I seldom went there now. So this was a rare visit by the “old friend” and “ex-coach”.
    My wild idea of proposing to the mother of Billy’s child was not one that I’d discussed with anyone. So my knees quivered a bit. Would she see my reasons?
    The spring night was a little cold, so a bright fire crackled in the fireplace. We were bundled in clean sweats, with a huge patchwork quilt around us. The baby was crawling in the joint lap that our knees made. I was trying to feel cheerful, putting that