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connected with the side of the Nigerian’s face and Prometheus collapsed like an overloaded coat stand. He was up again almost immediately, grabbing at the Russian’s red beard and taking a swing himself. He missed and hit Jimmy Ribbans, who reeled away with blood pouring from his mouth before turning and flicking a hard jab square into the face of Prometheus.
    I have to admit that there was a small part of me that was hoping some of this might knock some sense into the young Nigerian’s head, but I have to admit it seemed unlikely that Prometheus was going to stop being a homophobe just because someone had punched him.
    ‘You fucking hit me?’ Prometheus yelled at Bekim as he was restrained for a second time. ‘You fucking hit me?’
    ‘You only got what’s been coming for a long time, sonny,’ said Bekim.
    ‘I’ll put the hex on you, batty man. You see if I don’t. I know a witch doctor who’ll fix your faggot arse good. I’ll have you killed. I’ll burn your fucking car. I’ll rape your fucking wife and make her suck my cock.’
    ‘Fuck you, chyernozhopii . Fuck you and the chimp that gave birth to you.’
    This second exchange of insults initiated another flurry of fists and kicks.
    ‘Cool it,’ I yelled again as the rest of the team and playing staff pulled the three combatants apart. ‘The next person who throws a punch is suspended. The next person who insults someone else is suspended. I mean it. I’ll suspend you both without pay and then I’ll fine you a week’s wages; and when I’m good and ready and you’ve sat on the subs bench for the whole season I’ll fucking sack you both. I’ll make sure that every club in Europe knows what a pair of twats you are so no one will buy you. I’ll make sure you never work in football again. Is that clear?’
    ‘And if that’s not enough I’ll beat the living shit out of you both,’ said Simon. ‘And I’m not talking about the handbags we just had in here.’ There were few who would have doubted he could have done it, too. There was nothing bluff about the big Yorkshireman’s threat. When he took his glasses off and removed his upper plate he was one of the most frightening men in the game. ‘It’d be worth the sack just to beat some sense into your fucking heads. I’ve never heard the like. Call yourself team mates? I’ve seen Old Firm matches that were more cordial than what just happened in here. What a pair of cunts.’

5
    In spite of my terrifying experience aboard an Aeroflot Ilyushin jet, I dislike flying in helicopters even more than in Aeroflot Ilyushin jets, and this included Vik’s luxurious Sikorsky-92 which, following the team’s return from Russia, left London’s Battersea Heliport one Tuesday morning in August, bound for Paris. Aboard were Viktor Sokolnikov, City chairman Phil Hobday and me.
    Whenever I fly in a chopper all I can think about is not the time we’re saving but Matthew Harding, the millionaire vice-president of Chelsea FC who was tragically killed in a helicopter back in 1996 after an away game with Bolton Wanderers. It’s an old wives’ tale that helicopters are any less aerodynamic than an airplane – a helicopter’s blades will continue to rotate, despite a stalled engine (or so Vik told me); but it’s a fact that helicopters do more dangerous things than planes, such as take-off and land in closely built-up areas, and what’s more in parts of the world with very poor weather. To be killed in a helicopter would be bad enough, I think; but to be killed in somewhere like Bolton really would be bloody awful.
    We were flying to Paris to have lunch with Kojo Ironsi who, as well as being the agent and manager of Prometheus Adenuga, was the owner of the famous King Shark Football Academy in Accra, Ghana. Vik already owned a stake in King Shark, but Kojo – who was rumoured to be short of cash – was looking to sell him a bigger share and I was along to help City’s billionaire club-owner evaluate just