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from whatever was out there.
    “Lyla!” Grace shrieked. “I was supposed to press the button!”
    “Oh!” I felt a tremor of guilt go through me. “I’m sorry, honey! You can press both of them on the way down, okay?”
    While Colton fumed and Grace smiled at this deal, I tried to clear my head. I really was acting funny today. Maybe Austin’s attack had unsettled me more than I really believed it had. As we walked out onto the second floor, however, I tried to push away my unsettling thoughts. Because whatever – who ever – I had or hadn’t seen in the elevator doors hadn’t looked like danger. It actually looked a lot like… Rafael .
     
    We walked through the door of the house just as the phone began to ring. Colton and Grace both raced for it, while I followed at a more sedate pace and set my book bag down on the kitchen table, where I would undoubtedly spend the rest of my evening studying.
    “Hello?” Colton said breathlessly into the phone. He had beaten Grace to it. “Yeah, one minute.” He held the phone out to me. “It’s Natalie. She wants to talk to you.”
    “Thanks, Bub,” I whispered, accepting the phone. “Hello?”
    “Oh my gosh!” Natalie shrieked, and began talking at her usual speed: lightning fast. She didn’t even stop for breath. “So I was just talking to my mom and guess what? We can start talking about the missions trip tomorrow at youth group! She’s going to be on the committee again and said registration would start in two weeks!”
    “Really?!” I asked, my voice as high pitched as Natalie’s. “That soon?”
“Well, it’s the first week of September! And keep it on the down low, but we’re going all the way to Alabama this year, too. You know, to help with the tornado relief and recovery and stuff.”
    My excitement deflated faster than a balloon. “Nat,” I said slowly, collapsing backward onto the couch. “I don’t know if I can go.”
    “ What ?” she screeched, and I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “It’s the Diocese of Columbus Youth Missions Trip, Ly’s,” she told me, putting extra emphasis on the diocese . As if I didn’t know. “You can’t just not go!”
    “I definitely can!” I protested. “Aside from the fact that I would need a full ride of financial aid, which would include money for a plane ride or bus ticket, what would I do with Colton and Grace?”
“Easy,” Natalie said promptly. “My mom already said she would watch them, like the last time.”
    I inwardly cringed. It was one thing last year, when the missions trip had been an in-city project, cleaning all the churches by teaming up all the youth groups that could participate within the diocese, and also volunteering and forming food and clothing drives. I had simply left Colton and Grace with Natalie’s mom during the day and been able to take them home with me every night. But being hundreds of miles and hours upon hours away from them in Alabama was something totally different.
    “Now, Lyla,” Natalie said in an aggravatingly patient tone. “Remember the talk we had the other week about pride? It’s okay to admit you need help and ask for it sometimes. My mom totally loves Colton and Grace.”
    But how could you explain to someone that it wasn’t pride that kept you from asking for help, but the simple fact that if you let them help you, you began to trust them, depend on them, they would always let you down? I couldn’t let Colton and Grace form attachments to people that could possibly leave them. And there was the simple added fact that I was sure no one could look after them half as well as I did.
    “I’ll tell you what,” Natalie said, again easily breaking my tense silence. “I’ll talk to Mom, and see if she can do about the financial aid. Then, if things start looking promising there, we’ll talk about what to do about Colton and Grace again. Okay?”
    “Okay,” I agreed, instantly feeling a little bit better. “Deal.”
    “Fabulous.