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satisfaction or not. The reasons for this strange neglect, about which the female rightfully complains, are not yet recognized with certainty.
    Yours very truly,
    Freud
    • In 1992, Richard Rhodes wrote in his extraordi-narily candid sexual autobiography, Making Love, An Erotic Odyssey :
    It’s appalling that men, willing to invest thought and energy in learning a sport…won’t invest thought and energy in learning how to play generously at sex. On the evidence, far too many men are sexually selfish and self-centered, reverting in the intimacy of the bedroom to mommy’s darlings, taking rather than giving, not required, as girls are required from earliest childhood, to pay attention to needs other than their own. Women complain, but bedroom chauvinism is so all-pervasive they hardly know where to turn.
    • In 2002, Kim Cattrall, the actress who played the sexually liberated Samantha Jones in the TV series Sex and the City, wrote a sex advice book in which she confessed that she was sexually unsatisfied for most of her adult life:
    4 2
    T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t Many men don’t know how to enable a woman to reach orgasm, and many women are not informed or confident enough to tell men what they need to do. I’ve discovered that the whole subject is essentially taboo. No one wants to admit it that millions of women have unsatisfying sex lives and that most men do not know what to do about it.
    Could it be that,
    despite all the gains of the
    Women who find them-
    last century, one-sided sex
    selves in relationships
    is still the norm in many
    where they are subservient
    bedrooms? Yes, because
    to men often feel they have
    four perennial factors are
    no choice but to accept
    still very much in play:
    unsatisfying lovemaking.
    • The asymmetries be-
    tween men’s and
    women’s bodies
    • Men’s ignorance about giving women sexual satisfaction
    • The chronic disempowerment of women, leading them to refrain from speaking up
    • The lack of honest communication in bed These factors seem to be keeping a good portion of each new generation of lovers in the same one-sided pattern of making love. We might almost call Wham-Bam—that formula for female frustration—the default setting for sexual intercourse.
    W h a m , B a m , T h a n k Yo u , M a ’ a m 4 3
    But can’t this deeply ingrained pattern be changed?
    Isn’t it possible for women to speak up for their own sexual needs? Can’t men listen to their partners and get it ? There certainly have been attempts to improve upon Wham-Bam sex. The next chapter looks at some of them.
    Chapter Three
    No Female Orgasm—
    But He Tried
    Over the millennia, several cultures have made earnest efforts to give women their fair share of sexual satisfaction.
    • In the Jewish Halakhah , a body of tradition and law that goes back thousands of years, husbands are told that it is their responsibility to sexually satisfy their wives. It is considered a mitzvah (a commandment and a good deed) for a man to share sexual pleasure with his wife, especially on the Sabbath. This ancient teaching is definitely on the right track!
    The problem is that the admonition was not accompanied by details , without which most couples are still in the dark. There’s no evidence that Jewish women have done any better than women in other cultures at getting real sexual satisfaction during intercourse.
    • The ancient Chinese Tao sex manuals said that a man must, without fail, bring his partner to orgasm. The clitoris (dubbed the Jewel Terrace) 4 6
    T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t was correctly identified as the center of female sexual pleasure, and a woman’s orgasm was said to be as important to the man as it was to the woman.
    But neither the
    Chinese documents—
    In some cultures men have
    nor the sex manuals
    made serious efforts to give
    of ancient India—
    equal sexual satisfaction to
    contained details on
    women—but have lacked the
    exactly how the woman
    all-important details on