Read Gooney Bird and All Her Charms for Free Online Page B

brain, and the blood, and the bones, and the
. . .
”
    â€œNot now, Tyrone.” Mrs. Pidgeon put her hand on his shoulder. “Maybe on the playground, later. Let’s look at the last sign now. You and Felicia Ann did such a good job!”
    The final Digestive System sign was taped to the leg of Napoleon’s chair.
    Â 
    THE LEFTOVERS GO TO HIS LARGE INTESTINE.
    IT IS NOT AS LONG AS THE SMALL.
    USELESS STUFF STAYS THERE
    UNTIL NAPOLEON GOES TO THE BATHROOM AND GETS RID OF IT.
    Â 
    â€œOr until it ends up in your diapers! And
stinks
!” Malcolm said loudly. “Did I tell you about the time that—”
    Â 

    Â 
    â€œShhh. Yes, you have told us many times, Malcolm. Your poor mom has to change a lot of diapers.” Mrs. Pidgeon put her hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. “You’ve done a great job, everyone! The other grades are going to learn a lot about the digestive system from Napoleon because of your hard work. Let’s go now and let him enjoy his dinner in peace.”
    â€œBye, Napoleon! Have a nice dinner!” the second-graders called as they filed out of the multipurpose room.
    â€œKeep an eye on Bruno, Mr. Furillo,” Goony Bird reminded the custodian.
    â€œI will! I won’t let him find that humerus!” Mr. Furillo chuckled. “I just got it,” he said.

7
    After a week of fine dining it was time for Napoleon to move again. But the second grade was having an argument.
    â€œBut it would be very educational!” Barry said.
    â€œNo!” wailed Keiko.
    â€œAnd it would be funny!” Malcolm added.
    â€œNo!” said Felicia Ann and Beanie together.
    They had been making their plans that day, at lunch in the multipurpose room. Gooney Bird had brought a small plastic container filled with marinated artichoke hearts, which she had passed around for each child to have a taste. “Not bad,” they decided. She had brought, as well, a fresh artichoke, which she showed them. It was a strange-looking vegetable, and some of the children said “Ouch!” when they pricked their fingers on the sharp tips of its leaves.
    When they were finished examining the artichoke, they placed it on Napoleon’s plate. All of the classes had visited him and read the informational signs. Even Veronica Gooch had come, with her third grade class. But Mrs. Gooch had called the school this time to complain about the wineglass. It was un-American, she said, like something the French might do. So they had taken the wineglass away and given Napoleon a coffee cup instead.
    But it was time now, they agreed, for Napoleon to move on. While they cleaned up their lunch remains, the second-graders talked about where he should go. It was then that Malcolm, returning from the bathroom, announced his idea: that Napoleon should be moved to the boys’ room.
    â€œWe can sit him on the toilet!” Malcolm said excitedly. “In a stall! And when people come into the bathroom, they’ll see
skeleton feet
under the door!”
    All of the boys loved the idea.
    â€œIt’s part of digestion, right, Mrs. Pidgeon? After the leftovers are in the large intestine, then—”
    â€œWell, yes,” she replied, “but—”
    â€œIt’s gross!” Chelsea said loudly.
    The other girls all agreed. None of them liked Malcolm’s plan. The argument went on and on. It continued back in the classroom.
    â€œI could make a whole rap about it!
Hey, Napoleon, he da man; he be sittin on da . . 
.”
    Tyrone was wiggling at his desk.
    Mrs. Pidgeon interrupted him. “No,” she said, firmly. “We are not sitting Napoleon on the toilet. And that’s that. It might be educational. And it might be funny. But it would be sexist.”
    â€œSexist? What does that mean?” Nicholas asked.
    â€œIt means not fair to one of the sexes.”
    â€œHuh?”
    â€œFor example, what if only women were allowed to be