Read Goodnight Tweetheart for Free Online Page A

George Washington. It doesn’t matter.
    Abby_Donovan: #How2LoseFollowers: Describe in graphic detail just how long it’s been since you last shaved yr legs.
    MarkBaynard: #How2LoseFollowers: Tweet any recipe including cabbage and calf brains.
    Abby_Donovan: #How2LoseFollowers: Make snarky comments about Sarah Palin’s hair and/or the president’s ears.
    MarkBaynard: #How2LoseFollowers: Choose pic of Kim Jong-il as your avatar. Or Kathie Lee Gifford.
    Abby_Donovan: #How2LoseFollowers: Tweet link to URL citing potential health hazards of binging on dark chocolate M&Ms.
    MarkBaynard: #How2LoseFollowers: Tweet that you think COLD MOUNTAIN had the best ending EVER!
    Abby_Donovan: #How2LoseFollowers: Tell me you bet I have really pretty toes and you’d like to hook up.
    MarkBaynard: I bet you have really pretty toes. Wanna hook up?
    Abby_Donovan: Hang on …let me wiggle into my panty hose and I’ll get back to you.
    MarkBaynard: Fortunately, Twitter isn’t eHarmony. People may come here looking for feet, but they don’t come here looking for love.
    Abby_Donovan: Don’t be silly. People never stop looking for love.
    MarkBaynard: Yeah, some of them don’t even stop AFTER they’ve found it.
    Abby_Donovan: A cynic, are we?
    MarkBaynard: No, just a divorced realist.
    Abby_Donovan: You give new meaning to the phrase “hopeless romantic,” don’t you?
    MarkBaynard: My wife may not be Following me anymore but what about you? Is there anything I could do to make you Unfollow me?
    Abby_Donovan: You could tell me who you voted for in the last election.
    MarkBaynard: Who told you about that life-size cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton I keep in the corner of my bedroom?
    Abby_Donovan: My NRA poster of Dick Cheney is MUCH sexier. I never could resist a guy with a big gun.
    MarkBaynard: You know we liberal guys are all secretly hot for Ann Coulter.
    Abby_Donovan: Yeah, I bet you get hot just thinking about her bony little elbows digging into your groin.
    MarkBaynard: Well, we’ve gotten the taboo topic of politics out of the way. What’s next? Religion?
    Abby_Donovan: Why not? Do you believe in God?
    MarkBaynard: Oddly enough, he may be the only thing I ever really did believe in.
    Abby_Donovan: And you have the nerve to call yourself a cynic!
    MarkBaynard: No, I said I was a realist. So if God is real …
    Abby_Donovan: I wish I had your confidence.
    MarkBaynard: So let me get this straight—I’m a God-fearing Liberal and you’re a Conservative Atheist?
    Abby_Donovan: I never said I was an atheist. I prefer to think of myself as a devout Narcissist.
    MarkBaynard: What does that mean?
    Abby_Donovan: If the sun is shining, I thank God. If it rains, I blame him.
    MarkBaynard: I think that just makes you a human being. Damn. There goes the Bat-Signal again. Must be another old lady’s cat stuck in a tree.
    Abby_Donovan: Goodnight Deputy Leo
    MarkBaynard: Goodnight Lilly
    Abby_Donovan: Goodnight Wallace
    MarkBaynard: Goodnight Mac
    Abby_Donovan: Goodnight Logan
    MarkBaynard: Goodnight Kendall
    Abby_Donovan: Goodnight Keith
    MarkBaynard: Goodnight Backup
    Abby_Donovan: Will you marry me?
    MarkBaynard: Why?
    Abby_Donovan: Because I made a vow that I’d marry the first man who knew the name of Veronica Mars’s dog.
    MarkBaynard: Tell you what—if neither one of us has found anyone to marry by the time I turn 15, it’s a deal.
    Abby_Donovan: I just hope you like older women.
    MarkBaynard: Oh, I do. Goodnight Tweetheart …

Chapter Four
    Monday, May 9—1:42 P.M. .
MarkBaynard: What are you wearing?
    Abby_Donovan: Coffee-stained sweats and Madeline Kahn’s hairdo after the monster made love to her in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. You?
    MarkBaynard: Keanu Reeves’s long black duster from THE MATRIX and Harry Shearer’s leather pants from THIS IS SPINAL TAP.
    Abby_Donovan: The ones with the foil-wrapped cucumber in them?
    MarkBaynard: I’ll never tell. Let’s just say it was hell getting through airport security this