inexplicably peopled only with boys I like and my grandmother. And ever since then I have never been able to do itâI could never read one of those books without feeling that flush, unable to stop being utterly aware of how embarrassed Iâd be if someone found out what I was reading. Itâs never about the romance novels; itâs about me. And Iâve never questioned it. Who these people are that would judge me and what conclusions theyâd draw. Nope. Instead, Iâve just stuck to the classicsâwhere the racy bits were never mentioned, just inferred from knowing glances across crowded rooms, and everything hinged on witty banter during a quadrille.
I sit back down behind my desk with the book in hand, deciding not to dismiss it so quickly. Iâm not a teenager anymore. Although I do close my door and tell my assistant not to enter for the next half hour as Iâll be âon a call.â She is, of course, confused, as Iâve never done this in the years weâve worked together and she knows perfectly well there is no call.
Apparently Ms. Helen Brubaker knows what women want. And I need some answers. From anyone. I Google âBe the Heroine, Find Your Heroâ and millions upon millions of entries pop up instantaneously. Helen Brubaker has been on every morning television show; sheâs been written about inevery top magazine, newspaper, website . . . you name it. And there she is meandering through the First Ladyâs garden deep in conversation. How have I not heard of this book before? I pick up the phone and dial.
âArt room,â a student answers.
âIs Mrs. Alvarez there?â I ask. The student puts her hand over the phone.
âThis is Mrs. Alvarez,â Allison says.
âHave you ever heard of a book called Be the Heroine, Find Your Hero ?â
âYeah, why?â
âWhat?â
âItâs everywhere.â
âHow did I not know about this?â
âBecause you live under a rock, my dearie. Oof, my next class will be here in ten minutes. Iâve still got to get their stuff out of the kiln. Talk later?â
âSure.â
âLove you.â
âLove you, too.â I set my phone down and continue researching online.
To say the book is a phenomenon is an understatement. Itâs bigger. Cult big. Religion big. Itâs the book of the moment . . . itâs the everything of the moment. Itâs way more successful than any other dating book. The hook? Itâs a dating advice book that uses romance novels as a modern-day guide for women who are searching for their Mr. Right.
Sasha comes back with our lunch to find me fully engrossed in her book.
âIâm so sorry, I saw it there andââ I drop the book. I can feelthe flush in my cheeks as the embarrassment settles in the pit of my stomach. This is my teenage nightmare.
âOh, I donât care. I canât believe you donât have your own copy.â Sasha sets down the food and starts pulling out containers, condiment packets, and little utensils.
âThanks for picking up lunch,â I say, scanning the food.
âDonât worry about it. Youâll get dinner.â The stark reality that we will be stuck in this office overnight hits me. Iâll get dinner. Right, because weâll still be right here at dinnertime and breakfast.
âIâve never even heard of it,â I say, bringing the conversation back to the book. I take my container of sushi, pull my chopsticks out of their wrapper, rub them together to protect myself from splinters, and dive in.
âItâs all about how romance novels have it right. First you have to consider yourself the heroine and then you attract the hero. Make your man slay dragons and save the world before he gets to ravish you,â Sasha says, settling into the chair across from me with her sashimi.
âAre we saying ravish now? Are we ravishing now?â I