say anything, just looked away, then back at me. I ignored him, then stood up as I began to understand. âDonât it change?â I said. Then there was a long pause as Ilooked harder at him. He snapped his glance back towards me, but I turned away and got up to rattle the coffee pot around. I went and just set a bowl and spoon in front of him and turned back to the stove. Times like that I looked at your father like the mom with the townâs slow kid watching the other boys and girls run and play around the pool. Wasnât nice. Wasnât womanly. Wasnât manly.
After that, I went on to see Lori, your dadâs friend Stanâs wife that afternoon, wanting out of that house.
âStan says youâre gonna quit your job,â Lori said. âHe heard Ray is gonna ask you to quit. I tell you, me and Stan have gotten along much better since I left work. At first we figured the extra money would be nice, but then Stan and I started fighting all the time and it wasnât worth it to me. He kept telling me all this crap about how his mother never had to work. Well, I told him his father worked for the old R.H. Reeve Company factory, but that didnât faze him one bit. So I quit. Itâs better now, better I guess. Anyways, howâs Earl? I saw him the other day. He came by looking for Rob.â
âHe did?â
âYeah, âcept, Rob was still working. Heâs still getting over losing that scholarship chance to play at Ohio State. Making decent starting money at the factory though, so it ainât all bad.â
We was taking a walk, and Lori caught the toe of her shoe on an uneven section of the sidewalk.
âSissy, you keep a secret?â
âSure, aâ course Lori.â
âUm, you and Ray thinkinâ of another kid?â
âNo. I mean, no, not just right now. Ray, see, well, itâs not easy to say, butâ¦â
âSissy, Iâm late.â
âReally? You and Stan happy about that?â
âIâm thinking we are. I mean, sure, we are.â
âYou alright Lori?â
âIâm okay.â
âLori, does Stan yell at you?â
âLike when heâs mad about dinner?â
âNo, no, like just because heâs mad about something but you canât figure what it is.â
âSometimes. Sometimes heâs just angry. Something gets angry inside of him. Like bad food or something grumbling in there. Just angry. Ya know Sissy?â
âI do. I do know.â
Y OUR DAD AND I went to where I worked, for dinner, âcause I got an employee discount. He was trying to make nice with me that night and knew going out to eat would help. We started well enough being just polite but finished the meal in silence. Sometimes after you been married a while you just run out of things to say, need to rest up. Thatâs okay. The waitress brought over the check. Your Dad inspected it, then put it back down on the table. I picked up the check and re-added it out of waitressinâ habit, my lips moving slowly as I concentrated. I reached into my purse for the money and handed it to your dad like he liked me to do. I was trying too to make nice.
âWell, thanks for a fine meal,â he said, winking at the waitress behind the register. âJust like home.â She smiled and counted out change. Your dad pocketed it, walked out, and we had to argue again.
âBut you work there.â
âRay, please.â
Your dad handed me the change. I walked in and put a tip on the table, avoiding the other waitresses as I passed through the room, wishing I was a ghost. I was hoping they thought heâd just forgot it but they probably just remembered the last time when he mustâve forgot too. But I stayed quiet about it, like I thought a real ghost might.
I REMEMBERED, SITTING there on the bus, that my dad came up to my room that night, after theyâd come home.
âYour mother says we should have a