Read Getting to Happy for Free Online

up when we play like this. You just broke one of our rules.”
    “I’m sorry, my little birdie. You should know Russell’s getting out in a few months.”
    “Mom, that’s like soon.”
    “I know. Don’t go getting all in a tizzy. He’s always going to be your dad, plus he doesn’t even qualify as being a real criminal. He’s just done some really stupid things over the years that he should be more embarrassed about than anything.”
    “He’s a drug addict, Mom.”
    “It’s a disease, Sparrow.”
    “Isn’t there a cure for it?”
    “No, there isn’t. Abstinence. And you know how hard that is, don’t you?”
    She gives me the eye.
    “Can I ask you something? And I want you to give me an honest answer.”
    “Oh, God, Mom, not one of these?” She lifts her right hand over her eyes like she’s about to salute and shakes her head.
    “Are you ever embarrassed because I’ve never been married and your dad’s incarcerated?”
    She drops her hand in her lap and looks at me with the utmost sincerity. “Absolutely not! First of all, Mom, it was your choice and your right to be a single parent, which makes me proud of you, to be honest. Haven’t we like had this conversation before?”
    “Not really. I tried explaining to you when you were little why your dad wasn’t in your life. I don’t remember explaining why I didn’t marry him. Or anybody for that matter.”
    “Well, I haven’t exactly been broadcasting that my biological has been living behind bars. I’ve told a few of my semi-close friends he’s dead, because to me, he has been.”
    “Sparrow, that’s kind of stretching things, don’t you think?”
    “Maybe. Most of my friends have never asked because they don’t care. Everybody’s families are like either so screwed up or like a really good mixed salad. I’ve got friends whose parents are lesbians or gay men, with kids that are white as snow to black as me and every shade of brown in between. Nobody cares anymore, Mom, get it? We are who we are and it’s all good. So, does that answer your question?”
    “I suppose.”
    “Cool.”
    “On a lighter note, I’m giving you a friendly heads-up that if for some reason unbeknownst to you your GPA falls below that three-point-oh, you can forget about any make or model with an engine, understood?”
    “No worries, Mom. I’m taking AP geo this summer.”
    I turn into the DMV parking lot, but before pulling into a space, I stop the car. “Get out,” I say. “I’ll be right behind you.”
    She doesn’t move. “Mom?”
    “What is it now, Sparrow?”
    “Are you crying?”
    “No! I am not crying. Now would you go!” I pop her seat belt and give her a little shove.
    “Mom, would you do me a favor?”
    “What now, Sparrow?”
    “Wait in the car. This won’t take any time, believe me.”
    “What if I don’t want to wait in the car?”
    “I just want you to chill for a minute. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
    “You didn’t upset me and I wish you would stop trying to act like you’re my mother. Now go pass your test. I don’t want to go in there anyway.”
    She slams the door hard. She is such a Cancer. She is also a spitting image of my mother when she was young. I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and park. I don’t bother turning off the engine and just stare out the window at nothing in particular. My mom and dad were married for fifty-two years, which is pretty amazing. They loved each other with a kind of urgency and grace I have never felt. I haven’t loved anybody in a long time. And nobody has loved me. It’s not the hand I thought I’d be dealt. I don’t think I really loved Russell. He was just good-looking, a good lay and more like a hard fish to catch rather than the kind of man I imagined spending the rest of my life with. I should’ve thrown his ass back. Deciding to kick him to the curb after I learned I was pregnant was a major step in owning up to just how bad my judgment had been about him. And other men. I was