painting is in some way autobiographical?â I venture, rather primly.
âAutobiographical? Well yes, inevitably, itâs about my life, at some level. Itâs filled with my thoughts about things. And yet when Iâm in the middle of it, I forget about everything, aboutmyself and about friends and things that have happened. That might sound as if Iâm talking about inspiration, but itâs not that. I mean, most of the time I simply donât know what Iâm doing. I just get the bits of paint down and hope they suggest a way I can make something that looks as if itâs come directly off the nervous system. And if it comes at all, it usually comes very quickly and by a kind of accident. I might be working and thinking âOh my God, this is awfulâ and put the brush right through the image Iâve been trying to make and, every now and then, just by chance, with the fluidity of oil paint, that gesture will suggest the image Iâve been looking for all along.
âBut thereâs no complete explanation as to how these images come up. Otherwise I suppose one wouldnât bother to try and do them. In my case, I spend a great deal of time looking at things that have no direct relevance to what I want to do or anything and then one of them might crop up, just like that. I think one makes this kind of huge well inside oneself and images keep rising out of it the whole time. But you canât analyse how, because itâs not really conscious. Thatâs why I say, half the time I donât know what my paintingâs about. I was doing a picture once and looking at a photograph of birds diving into the sea, and for some reason this curious double image came up. I couldnât really tell you what it is, I mean I think of it as two people moving and it reminds me of certain Greek things too. But I couldnât explain it.
âDâyou know I think one thing about artists â there are very few real artists, of course â is that they remain much more constant to their childhood sensations. Other people often change completely, but artists tend to stay much the way theyâve always been. In my case, Iâve always been obsessed by images. Well, all sorts of things. When I was very young, for instance, I had this obsession with filters, I donât know why, industrial filters and things. And I couldnât stop looking at them. Iâve never found out why, it was really rather mad. Though I suppose if you really think about it the body itself is a kind of filter, filtering everything through the whole time.
âOf course I never expected to make a living by painting images, they were simply something that haunted me and that I knew I wanted to do. In that sense, Iâve been very fortunate. It probably wonât last, the way everythingâs going. My things probably wonât sell any more. But then if Iâm absolutely poor tomorrow, what difference will it make? If I have nothing, well, there it is, I have nothing. It wonât change my life. Iâll go back to being a manservant â because I was someoneâs manservant once when I was very young. Thatâs another story, though â a very funny story, as it happens. But I should still go on painting. I should like to go on just as long as I can move my arm. Because thereâs so much I still want to do. Sometimes I get all these ideas for new things, and I think if only I could get them all down in a single image: like slapping a sole on the wall, Iâd like to slap this thing down, with all the facts and intuitions in it, and it would be there, with all its bones and things â complete and absolutely perfect.
âI never stop thinking about images, you know, I canât just sit around and relax. The other night I had this dream, usually I donât remember them, I was going down a street and my shadow was going along the wall with me and I reached out