you,â he answered.
âDonât do me any favors.â As if I hadnât been
waiting all night to be alone with him. I stepped into the foyer.
Michael followed me. We took off our coats. âDid I do something . .
. is that it?â he finally asked.
âNo.â
âThen what?â
âOh, I donât know . . . just everything . . . thinking about
you and Elizabeth . . .â
âYouâre jealous?â he asked.
âMaybe thatâs it . . . Iâm not sure.â
âThatâs why youâve been such a bitch all
night?â
âI guess.â
He started to laugh. âI didnât know you were the jealous
type.â
âIâm not!â But as soon as I said it I realized how dumb
it sounded and I laughed too.
âHey . . . I dreamed about you last night,â Michael said.
âWhat was I like?â
âVery sexy . . .â
I took his hand and we went into the den. âIâm sorry I was
such an ass tonight.â
âForget it,â he said. âItâs nice to know you care.
Just promise me one thing . . .â
âWhat?â
âFrom now on weâre honest with each other. If
somethingâs bothering you, say it, and Iâll do the same . . .
agreed?â
âAgreed.â
âGood.â
We lay down on our rug and after a while, when Michael reached under my
skirt I didnât stop him, not then and not when his hand was inside my
underpants.
âI want you so much,â he said.
âI want you too,â I told him, âbut I canât . . .
Iâm not ready, Michael . . .â
âYes, you are . . . you are . . . I can feel how ready you
are.â
âNo . . .â I pushed his hand away and sat up. âIâm
talking about mentally ready.â
âMentally ready,â Michael repeated.
âYes.â
âHow does a person get mentally ready?â he asked.
âA person has to think . . . a person has to be sure . .
.â
âBut your body says you want to . . .â
âI have to control my body with my mind.â
âOh, shit . . .â Michael said.
âItâs not easy for me either.â
âI know . . . I know . . .â He put his arm around me.
âLook . . . we can satisfy each other without the whole thing . . .â
âWe will . . . soon . . .â
âIf I didnât know better Iâd think you were a
tease.â
âIâd never tease you.â
âYeah . . . I know that too.â
âYou want me to be honest, right?â
âUh huh.â
âWell . . . the thing is . . . I donât know exactly how to do
it . . . satisfy you, I mean.â
âItâs the easiest thing in the world,â Michael said,
loosening his belt.
âNot now . . .â I told him.
âWhen?â
âSoon, but not tonight.â
âPromises . . . promises . . .â
After Michael went home and I was in bed, trying to fall asleep, I
thought about making love with himâthe whole thing, like he said. Would I make
noises like my mother? I can always tell when my parents are making love because they
shut their bedroom door after they think Jamie and I are asleep. Itâs hard not to
listen. My room is right next to theirs. Sometimes Iâll hear them laughing softly
and other times my mother will let out these little moans or call Roger  . . . Roger  . . . Even though I know
itâs natural and Iâm glad my parents love each other I canât help
feeling embarrassed. What would it be like to be in bed with Michael? Sometimes I want
to so muchâbut