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whimper, burying my face in my hands. “She can’t be.” I let my body slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the floor.
    Why did this have to happen? If only I hadn’t taken Eddie’s call. If only I hadn’t thrown my phone in the woods.
    A thought suddenly flickers through my mind and it halts all others.
    I move my hands away from my face. “Why are you only telling me about Carrie now?” I sound oddly composed.
    I see a look of discomfort flicker over Nathan’s face. “What do you mean?”
    “ I mean why didn’t you tell me the moment I woke up that my best friend was dead?!” I bang my fists against the floor. I’m so angry. I’ve never felt anger like this before. I’ve gone from cold to hot in less than five seconds and I have no idea what to do with it.
    I watch Nathan’s chest expand under his T-shirt as he inhales for a breath. “I needed to find out what you were,” he exhales, “before the infection, I mean, before you changed. I thought you were human, but like I said, women don’t survive the change and I needed to make sure you weren’t something else, something I didn’t know about, something that was potentially a danger to me and my family.”
    “ Of course I’m human!” I cry. “I don’t know anything about those bloody vampire things you’ve been going on about!”
    “ Vârcolac,” he corrects, and has the audacity to sound irritated. “And I know that now but I didn’t at the time. For all I knew you could have been lying just to get yourself out of here and I couldn’t risk it. If the Vârcolacs find out what I did … ” he rubs his face roughly with his hand, “ … if they find out it was me that killed him, I’m basically fucked.”
    But right now I don’t care about his problems, even if they do involve me. “I couldn’t give a toss how it affects you! Carrie is dead and you kept it from me!” I’m breathing so hard I have to clutch my hand to my chest to keep myself steady. It’s like my grief and pain have been coated by the anger, and that’s all I can feel now - complete and utter anger.
    Nathan’s brow creases into a tight line. He looks angry, which only manages to incense me further. What right does he have to be angry?
    “ I was going to tell you,” he says through gritted teeth.
    “ When exactly?! When I passed all your bloody tests! You should have told me the second you opened your mouth, instead of keeping me here talking about this shit. And Carrie’s been dead all this time and I … I didn’t know and … ” The grief floods back and sobs well in my throat. I struggle to choke them back.
    “ I know you’re in pain … ”
    “ I’m torn apart!” I scream.
    Nathan gets up from his seat and takes a step toward me.
    “ Don’t come near me.” I put my trembling hand out, stopping him.
    “ I wasn’t trying to be callous.” He begins speaking quickly. “When I realised you weren’t lying about not knowing anything, I thought I should explain everything that had happened to you before I told you about her, about Carrie, and honestly, I really didn’t know how to tell you. It’s not something I do every day, you know, tell people that … ” He stops and looks at me helplessly. “I’m sorry.”
    I bite my quivering lip. “You’re sorry you kept it from me or that Carrie’s dead?”
    “ Both.”
    Even though deep down I know none of this is his fault, I want it to be. I want to blame him. I need to be angry with him. I need him to feel this excruciating pain I’m feeling because I can’t be alone in this.
    I rub my eyes roughly and look up at him through my tangled lashes. “I want to see Carrie.” My voice carries barely a whisper across the room.
    There’s a beat of silence. His eyes flicker in my direction but he doesn’t actually look at me. “We’ll talk about it later,” he says, walking toward the door.
    My insides take a step dive. I’m up and on my feet. Moving quickly, I grab hold of his arm, stopping