through the avenues in the last gasp of daylight. Someone has a bullhorn. âThis demonstration ends at dusk. The park is closing. Please disperse. Please disperse.â
Raheemâs warning looms large in my mind. âPromise me you wonât stay in the park after dark. Stuff tends to happen when the sun goes down.â
The bullhorn squawks again, but the crowdâs chant has changed. A small group near me is calling, âTo do whatâs right, weâll stay all night. You canât scare us with your might!â
Skirting the edge of things, I can see how itâs all turning bad. The cops are over here, too, lined up and helmeted with clubs out and pushing people back with their big plastic shields. I know enough to stay away from the cops, but everyone else seems to be rushing forward. Itâs happening around me and Iâm fighting the forward surge. You never go toward the cops.
Shadows begin to stretch over everything. Iâm afraid to stay, but more afraid to leave. I donât want the cops to see me. Thatâs when it hits me. I donât want them to see me, because Iâm not allowed to do what everyone around me is doing.
They are angry. Angry on the outside, allowed to let it show. Not like us.
At least, not until the Panthers came along and said we canât wait anymore. Canât be pressed down anymore. Itâs time. Thatâs whatâs happening here. People are standing up.
Theyâre protesting for peace, but theyâre angry. It covers everything, this miraculous, captivating, overwhelming force thatâs already thrumming in me deep. It swells in great waves, stirring the air like wind beneath a fire. I can feel suddenly how hot itâs burning, how the heat of the day didnât start in the sky, but here among us.
I canât leave this place. Not yet. This place where everything is stirred out in the open. Anger, with no fear. Raheem would say itâs âcause theyâre white; he says you can do anything if youâre white, that everythingâs okay if youâre white, but weâre not white and never going to be. He doesnât come out and say the rest, but I get it. That nothing is ever going to be okay for us. Except, the Panthersâthe Panthers say we gotta try harder and then maybe it can be.
The Panthers say get angry, donât bother to tampit down. The Panthers say get busy, trying to make the change happen âcause it sure ainât happening on its own. Iâve been going to Panther class long enough to understand whatâs happening here tonight. The demonstrators are white, theyâre screaming and bearing down on the police, but nothing more is happening.
I want to do it too, but I canât. âWhen the law comes down, it comes down on us.â I have to get out of here. Now.
But, strangely, I find myself sliding back in among them, joining in the chant at the top of my lungs.
CHAPTER 8
T HE FEAR RETURNS LIKE A THUNDERBOLT strike. People are running and screaming. The police have entered the park. The sky is dark, and Iâve been chanting, like a reckless fool, like some wannabe white.
I flee.
The protest has spilled beyond the park. Protesters have taken to the streets. Flashing lights brighten the darkness, and I stay as far as I can from the edge of things. It doesnât stop me from seeing too much. Protestersâwhite onesâbeing handcuffed and dragged. Cops with their clubs swinging up and down, and I see it more clearly than ever, why weâre supposed to call them pigs.
I have el tokens in my pocket and ten dollarsâ worth of quarters in my hand, but neither is any use to me, because Iâm not going that far out of my way. I edge out of thepark as close to the lake side as I can get, sending up a prayer that the pigs wonât see and catch me.
Itâs a long way home, on foot. A matter of hours, it seems. By the time Iâm back in the neighborhood,