Read Fire by Night for Free Online

and call on people, then they call on us. It’s absurd. In the evenings we go to endless dinner parties, theater engagements, and boring lectures that put everyone to sleep. Oh yes, we do our part for charity, but you know as well as I do that most of our charity work is really about maintaining the fine Hoffman family name and being noticed and supporting the right causes. It’s not about being charitable.”
    “I know nothing of the sort.”
    “Here’s your cloak, Miss Julia.” The maid inched toward her like a child approaching a barking dog. “Shall I help you put it on?”
    “I can do it myself, thank you.”
    “ You are being absurd!” her mother said with a huff. “I’m fetching the doctor, first thing tomorrow morning.”
    Julia followed her mother downstairs and outside to the waiting carriage. It was a chilly day for late October, and her mother rolled the shade on her side of the carriage closed against the wind. Julia rolled hers all the way open, gazing out at the nearly bare tree branches that arched above the avenue. Brown and gold leaves lay strewn along the cobbled street, and against her will Julia recalled the blue-clad bodies sprawled beside the road like scattered stones. She remembered the soldier being carried by his friends, his foot dangling like a dried leaf, ready for the wind to blow it free. Her life felt as worthless as the dying leaves. What was the meaning of it all? Was her only purpose to look beautiful for a time, then die?
    “That’s too much air, Julia,” her mother said. “Close it before you catch a chill.”
    Julia ignored her, letting the breeze wash over her face as the carriage picked up speed. She felt feverish with pent-up energy and restless at the prospect of sitting demurely in the Blairs’ drawing room all afternoon, sipping the tea their maids had brewed. The urge to get out of the carriage and run, to escape her “respectable” life, was suddenly so strong that she had to cross her legs to keep from doing it. Unconsciously, she began kicking the carriage seat across from her.
    “Stop that,” her mother said, putting her hand on Julia’s knee. “You’ll ruin your shoes. And you know better than to cross your legs like a man, much less kick your foot that way.”
    “I wish I were a man.”
    “Julia! Don’t say such a thing in public.” Mrs. Hoffman kept her voice just above a whisper.
    “We’re not in public, we’re inside a carriage,” Julia said loudly.
    “Who’s going to hear me, the coachman?”
    “Yes, as a matter of fact,” her mother replied, still whispering. “Our servants talk to other people’s servants, you know. That’s how gossip spreads.”
    “Of course it’s the servants,” Julia said acidly. “Respectable people like us never gossip.”
    “Shh! It’s bad enough that Inga and the other maids think you’ve lost your mind, would you like our coachman to confirm their opinion?”
    Julia stuck her head through the open window and shouted, “I don’t care!” as loudly as she could. When she drew her head inside again, her mother slapped her.
    “There! If you’re going to act like a spoiled child I shall have to treat you like one.”
    Julia stared at her mother for a long, shocked moment, then slumped against her and wept. “That’s what he said, Mother. He said I was spoiled …and …and self-absorbed.”
    “Who did?”
    “But he’s right. I am. And I don’t know what to do about it. I want my life to matter. I don’t want to grow old and die with nothing to show for it.”
    “Listen to me.” Julia’s mother took her by the shoulders and made her sit up so they could face each other. “What you need to do is get married and—”
    “No, that won’t help!” She wanted to wail like a child.
    “Oh yes, it will. It’s time for you to grow up, Julia. Your father’s right; we have spoiled you for much too long. You say you want your life to matter? Good. That’s what marriage is for. What you need is a