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life. Why in the world did I think that James would be an exception? Gabi is right. He is no Prince Charming. He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
 
    “No need , Alexi. I don’t want another girl tonight...but...no thank you...I want to do very bad things with Sophia and I don’t want an audience.”
 
    His words cut into my heart. I am used to feeling like a piece of shit but not with James.
    “She is waiting for us at the hotel? Well, I appreciate the gift, man. We are actually not going back to the hotel. No, I’ve got other plans for Sophia tonight....absofuckinglutely. Later.”
 
    He slides over toward me to bridge the gap between us. I sit still and stiff with shame, but then he croons, “I’m so sorry that you had to hear that , Sophia. That was all an act, you can trust me. I don’t want to hurt you but I need to find Lily.”
 
    Despite his soft and pleading tone, I resist giving back into the magic of the night. So, I am an ends to a means. He doesn’t love me or want me. He just wants to find her and now she has a name, Lily .
 
    “Who is Lily?” I choke out her name, my throat is dry and tight from the heartache.
 
    This must be the missing person that he is trying to find. Is it his girlfriend? Is that why he is trying to avoid having sex with me? What happened to her? I run through these questions in my head in rapid-fire fashion and I know that I don’t want to hear the answers.
 
    I lean over and put my hand over his mouth. “Stop. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. We have tonight, right?”
 
    I am not angry with him at all, I tell myself. I know that this is all make-believe. I am mad at my own ignorance and lack of common sense. I was so stupid and naive to think that this would all work out. Ha! It’s just a fairytale. Like we would live happily ever after? Yeah right, Ms. Sophia Noire.
 
    “I don’t want any explanations tonight James. We need to make sure that your cover isn’t blown. Let’s just get this over with. Felix always says that if a guy sleeps with his bitches he is okay in his book. If they are a cop, they are a dirty cop. Dirty cops don’t talk, they get paid.”  I attempt to talk rough, in a worldly way, but I am not sure James is buying it.
 
    I look down at my hands and nervously pick at my cuticles. I can’t bear looking at him right now. I know that once I lose myself in those eyes again , I will let go of all sense of reality as my brain turns to mush.
 
    He lifts my chin up so that I am face to face with him and I roll my eyes up to meet his. “Sophia, look at me, please.”
 
    He says intensely, but firmly, “That phone call was just for show. I need to keep you safe. He had that other girl at the hotel waiting for us. You are right, they are still suspicious of me. I don’t care about that. I care about you.” He gazes penetratingly into my eyes.
 
    It’s too much, and I look down and away as I whisper, “James, it’s okay. You are going to be fine. I will go back to my life as I know it and you will get Lily back.”
 
    James speaks forcefully, almost desperately, “Sophia, you are not listening to me. I know that you have been hurt and it is difficult to trust anyone, but you can trust me.”
     
    I give him a tight smile, and then lower my eyes again.
 
    “Yeah, right. It’s okay James. I know who and what I am. I am someone who gets paid to have sex with men. As you said on the phone, it ’s time you get your money’s worth.”
 
    As I say these words my heart is breaking and I feel the weight of the world crashing down on me. I am a fucking hooker. I have nothing and am worth nothing. My parents are dead and I am all alone. Why the fuck should he care? Stupid, stupid Eva!
 
    But James persists in trying to convince me otherwise.
     
    “Sophia, listen to me, please. We are not going back to the hotel.  I need to figure out what to do or where we should go.” He drums his fingers on the back of my seat.