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teenage girl.
    Josh’s room is down the hall on the left, as far away from the neighbor’s walls as I could get him, but with the noise they’re making tonight, nowhere is safe. I knock gently, our special knock that we share, before opening his door.
    Josh is sitting on his bed with his legs up and his arms wrapped around them. Ella must have turned on the string of Christmas lights I hung around his bedframe. Josh insisted on bunk beds, even though he doesn’t share the room with anyone. He likes the bottom bunk, and we hung blankets on all sides so he can turn it into a fort whenever he feels like. I’m surprised he hasn’t shut the front blanket and closed himself inside. He’s been doing well lately. He’s getting much better.
    “Hey, Josh,” I say, coming over and sitting down beside him. “How are you?”
    “Okay,” he says quietly, obviously not okay.
    “Are the neighbors bothering you?” I ask him. He simply nods. “Do you want to read some of your dinosaur book?”
    “No, that’s okay,” he says.
    “You sure? You want me to lay with you for a bit?”
    I see his eyes brighten as he looks up at me.
    “Okay, let’s do that,” I say. I pull his dinosaur comforter back and let him slide his legs under. “Okay, make some room!”
    He scoots over slightly and I lie down beside him, wrapping my arm around him and gently patting his head. I can hear his breathing slow immediately. It is very hard to have a son like Josh, but I love him as much as any mother could love her son, and I cherish these moments with him. Josh relies on me more than boys his age, or at least is more able to admit it, and as hard as his life will be, we have a bond that will never be broken.
    My neighbors are stomping around like it’s the Super Bowl up there, but I can feel Josh starting to relax, and it’s not too long before he’s asleep. I almost want to lie here and fall asleep with him, but I’m a wreck and I need to shower to wash the club off me. Getting into bed with the sweat of strangers and the smell of smoke and alcohol is not high on my list of things to do.
    Once I’m sure Josh is asleep, I gently slip out of bed and turn off his lights. I make my way quietly out of his room and close the door behind me.
    “Why aren’t you in bed?” I ask Ella, who is texting frantically from the couch.
    “I was watching Josh,” she says, doing her best to come up with an excuse.
    “Uh, huh. Well I’m home. Josh is asleep. You should be too.”
    “Mom, I’m texting Jason,” she says excitedly, as though that’s going to change my mind. I stride quickly over to her and snatch her phone from her hands.
    “Hey!”
    “Even more of a reason for you to go to bed.”
    “Mom!”
    “He’s a senior , Ella. You’re a freshman.” I say emphatically, stuffing her phone into my back pocket.
    “So!?” she exclaims. “You dated older guys when you were my age.”
    “Yes I did. And that’s why I know that guys like him only want one thing, and you are not ready to be doing that thing.”
    “Okay, okay, just let me text him goodnight—”
    “Nope,” I say, turning away. “Turn off the T.V. and get to bed. You have to take the bus tomorrow, my car’s still in the shop.”
    Ella groans dramatically, but listens. I hear the T.V. click off and her angry footsteps as she tromps down the hall to her room.
    “Quiet!” I shout in a whisper. “Josh is sleeping.”
    If she could slam her door she would, but I hear it close behind her.
    The joys of motherhood .
    Time for mom to relax. I step into the bathroom and turn the shower on hot and full blast. This apartment takes forever for the water to heat up, so I examine tonight’s damage in the mirror. My face is a mess. My make up is streaked and runny, and I look like a wet dog. My t-shirt is looking pretty ratty, but I don’t care. I strip down and kick my clothes into the corner and feel the water. It’s warm enough. I step into the shower and slide the curtain