Read Fifty Shades Of Sparkling Vampires With Dragon Tattoos That Play Starvation Games for Free Online Page B

has given us
too. Ah, precious insomnia," I replied.
    "You know, it's almost like we've
stumbled into a completely unnecessary chapter in our lives. Hell,
make that an entire book that seems to exist only to cause more
drama."
    "Hey, why don't we just video chat with
the Vultures and show them our daughter isn't some hell spawn bent
on world destruction?"
    "Nella, now is not the time for
rational thought. We must instead unite totally random vampire
clans to fend off the royally pissed off Italians."
    "But doesn't that seem like we're just
wasting time before we inevitably walk into the sunset together
totally unscathed?"
    "Honey, you forget we have to introduce
a whole slew of new characters and form the biggest hack sack
circle in the universe."
    "You're right. Because when you're
immortal, there's nothing better than a nice game of hacky sack.
This is going to be so much fun."
    ***
    While the Vultures prepared to kill
every vampire in their way, the fang convention was in full swing
in Sporks. T-shirts were printed, bands played, and designer blood
was chugged. It was the most fun you could have before an impending
slaughter. Eventually the full fanged rager had to come to an end
though with the final showdown at hand.
    "Damn, we are so going to kill you,"
the Vulture leader said.
    "Is it too late to say this is all one
big misunderstanding?" Hunky asked.
    "Nice try, douche magoosh. This
kill-a-thon is going to happen, and there's nothing you can do to
stop it."
    "Wow. That sounds kind of
anti-climactic. You do realize how many times I've cheated death so
far, right?" I asked.
    "Just hand over the kid already. We
have a lot of murdering to do today and not a whole lot of time to
enjoy it," the Vulture leader insisted.
    "Whoa whoa whoa. Not so quick with the
death and dismemberment," a member of the O'Buzzkill clan said,
with a surprise visitor. "I have just the intellectual proof we
need to end this war non violently."
    The Vulture Leader stomped his foot in
a hissy fit. "Damn it, why do I get the feeling I'm not going to
get to brutally kill someone today?"
    "Meet Fang McSavesourasses from the
neighboring town of Convenient Plot Point, Washington. He is half
human, half vampire, and has zero ambition to enslave the world.
Hell, the guy barely has any ambition at all. He just tokes up and
runs an alpaca farm."
    "I can't believe it. I just flew seven
thousand miles in coach next to a manboobed tourist with epic body
odor. Someone is so getting executed," the Vulture Leader
insisted.
    "How about the vampire responsible for
this big time mix up?" I suggested.
    "Ah, why not?" the Vulture Leader
replied. "But before I get to the main course, I just have to ask,
do you have any pigs in blankets? The food on the plane
sucked."
    ***
    "Well, we managed to talk our way out
of certain death," I said, walking into the sunset with
Hunky.
    "I know, right? That was pretty boring
of an ending," Hunky remarked.
    "Maybe I should shamelessly put my life
on the line so we can have another unnecessary adventure," I
continued.
    "Nah. I think that was unnecessary
enough as it is. Besides, people can put up with only so much
whining, right?"
    "Not when there's hunky vampires
involved."
    "Oh, right. In that case, what
ridiculous shenanigans should we get ourselves into next?" Hunky
asked.
    "I'm sure we'll think of come up with
something overwrought," I replied. "But in the meantime, let's
hump."
    The End.
     
    Hey Kinky Billionaire, Stop Spanking My
Butt
     
    When your boyfriend acted like the
deranged leader of a butt spanking cult, swooning was hardly on the
menu for most women. Luckily, I did not involve my brain in
decision making very often. I did however like a highly degrading
back story, which it turned out there was plenty of.
    Go figure, being treated like day old
donuts by your family did not lead to a spiritually fulfilling
life. And what better way to take the frustrations you had about
your three sheets to the wind crazy parents on a