Fat Assassins

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Book: Read Fat Assassins for Free Online
Authors: Marita Fowler
Tags: Fiction, Adult, Southern, Women, assassin, Self-Esteem, Fat
blue cups. The noise of the spoon dragging across the bottom of the cardboard cup reminded me of cutting class in high school. Most kids at our school would ditch class to go smoke pot in the woods, but we’d hide out behind the library eating Blizzards. 
    “Hey! What about the library? They probably have a computer or might know where we could find one.”
    “Nice!” Ulysaa handed me her empty Blizzard cup and started the car. “We’ll stop by there on Sunday!”
    “We heading to Buck’s for a beer?” I halfheartedly asked.
    “I don’t want to. You?”
    “No. I’d rather save the money for the festival tomorrow.”

“Get a move-on!” Ulyssa banged on my door as she grumbled down the hallway after her shower. “We’ve got a three hour road trip ahead of us!”
    I groaned and rolled off the bed. I wasn’t convinced it was worth driving all the way to Marlington for a RoadKill Cook-Off, but it was too late to change my mind. Sam had been nagging us about it since she saw it on a Food Network show last month. She’s hoping they’ll be serving the armadillo and roadrunner tacos. 
    I hope they have funnel cakes.  
    I stood wrapped in my towel staring into my closet. What do you wear to a roadkill festival?
    Jeans, t-shirt and cute purple jacket.  
    Ulyssa decided to go country chic too. Except she had added a giant feathered hair clip and matching earrings to top off her outfit. 
    “Nice earrings!” I teased, giving her a backhanded compliment. “Reminds me of roach clips!”
    “Whatever! I like ‘em. Mom got them for me at the Church flea market.” She caressed the black and tan striped feather hanging from her right ear. “I wasn’t sure at first, but they’ve grown on me.”
    A light tap at the door interrupted our fashion debate. 
    “Hey y’all!” Mitchell greeted us while Mitsy gave us a little wave. 
    “Morning!” I greeted them. 
    “This festival better be good or Sam is going to hear about it all the way back,” Ulyssa snarled, pushing me down the stairs closing the door behind her. 
    Everyone murmured in agreement.
     
    A few minutes later we arrived outside Sam’s apartment building. The red brick was covered with a layer of dirt giving it the illusion of a historic building. Sam was standing in front of the cracked wooden sign that read Parkview Apartments. I’m not sure how they picked the name since the only view from the apartments was the Piggly Wiggly. Sam waved a blue Igloo cooler in the air as we pulled closer. 
    “It is too damn early!” she said, shoving the cooler into the back of the Pinto. “Wouldn’t be a road trip without a cooler!”
    “Too early to start drinking!” Mitchell protested.
    “It ain’t booze, you lush. Just some sodas and snacks!”
    “Oh. Cool. Thanks.”
    “I’m excited. I’ve never been to a famous place before. I wonder if it will be just like it was on T.V.” Sam’s definitely a morning person. 
    “Being on the Food Network doesn’t make it a famous place,” Ulyssa argued.
    “Name me another place in West Virginia that’s been on television?”
    Sam pulled some snacks out of the cooler and passed them around, while we tried to come up with an answer.
    “Mothman Prophesies?” Mitsy asked in between bites of granola bar.
    “That movie was about West Virginia, but not filmed here,” Sam said chewing on her Slim Jim. “Anyone else?”
    “Fine. I guess we are going to a famous place,” Ulyssa conceded. “I bet there won’t be any movie stars there though.”
    I stabilized my Mello Yello cans as she swerved the car to miss a pothole.
    “Y’all wouldn’t know how to act if we did see a movie star,” Sam joked.
    “I’d know what to do if I saw Shania Twain!” Mitchell said.
    “Seriously?” Mitsy asked.
    “Hell yeah! She’s a hottie.”
    “She’s Canadian!” Sam added.
    “But she sings country music,” he defended. 
    “Do you think there’s rednecks in Canada?” I asked.
    “I bet they have trailer

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