âI guess youâve got your reasons.â
Ron and Blonde make trail mix from dried fruit, and Jack wants to explain that staying in Cleveland has nothing to do with Mona, that it doesnât mean heâs going to get married or buy a dog, that itâs simply practical.
âIf you drive me to work, you can have my car tomorrow,â Jack says instead. Connor nods and yawns.
Maybe Jack senses the change in his brotherâs breathing or catches a glimpse of Connorâs head, arched at an odd angle against the top of the couch, but he doesnât expect any answer when he asks, âDo you think itâs weird we never had a Christmas tree?â
        Â
The tree in Monaâs parentsâ house is huge. Even as heâs pulling the car into the driveway, Jack sees it through the living roomâs full-length window, its star squashed against the ceiling. He visited her parentsâ place before and found it nice, if a bit quaint, with all the dark wood and heavy furniture. Now itâs barely recognizable, every cubic foot of the wood and brick two-story blinking with colored bulbs, a life-size manger scene in the front yard and plastic Santa in a plastic sleigh with plastic reindeer mounted on the roof. Parking the car, he looks at Mona and waits for her to apologize for the house like she apologizes for everything else.
âWouldnât it be great if it snowed tonight?â She smiles, pats his knee, and bounces out of the car.
Reaching into the back, he shakes his brother awake.
âWelcome to Jesusland,â Jack says.
Monaâs parents, like their house, have undergone a bizarre holiday transformation. Her father, a professor of Civil War history at OU, is wearing a corduroy jacket with elbow patches, while Mrs. Lockridge, thick through the hips and thighs, is in one of those seasonal sweatersâthis one depicts the twelve days of Christmas with gold thread and sequins. Instantly Jack is uncomfortable in a way he hasnât been since sophomore year at Penn when a girl he was dating dragged him to a âTake Back the Nightâ rally.
âGood to see you, son.â Monaâs father extends his hand, while her mother hugs Connor, whom sheâs never met.
Three years younger, Monaâs sister Frankie shivers in the doorway, wearing a skintight T-shirt and lots of purple lipstick. Red curls cropped at her jawline, five silver studs dotting the curl of her right ear, body firm like only the bodies of twenty-year-old girls are firmâFrankie could be the ghost of Mona past.
âThank God you guys are finally here,â she says, though sheâs looking exclusively at Connor, whoâs still wobbly with sleep like a newborn calf. âMomâs making us all crazy. Maybe now sheâll chill.â
Monaâs mother mock swats Frankieâs shoulder, and the six of them carry three overnight bags and boxes of presents (including the food dehydrator, which Mona wrapped the night before) into the house, where holiday music oozes from every room. Upstairs, Mrs. Lockridge assigns bedrooms with exaggerated gestures. Jack and Connor can sleep in Frankieâs room; Frankie can bunk with Monaâs older sister, Melanie; Mona gets her childhood bedroom, aggressively pink, with bookcases of worn stuffed bears and dolls in costumes from around the world.
Setting Monaâs duffel bag on the lacy bedspread, Jack tugs Monaâs hand, pulls her back in the room when everyone else has left, and somewhere in the house Eartha Kitt is crooning that Santa Baby shouldnât keep her waiting.
âYou told your parents you moved in with me, right?â he asks. âAnd theyâre okay with that?â
âYes.â She laughs lightly. âYou can sleep with me tonight. Mom just put you and Connor together for Frankieâitâs one of those things my parents do. They pretend sheâs still a
Ron Roy and John Steven Gurney
Robert Shea, Robert Anton Wilson