Read Fallen Angel (The List #3) for Free Online

wince. “I need you to
understand that I never wanted you to get too close. I tried to keep you at
arm’s length. I tried to lay it on the line from day one. It was always to
protect you. But I fucked up and you got involved in shit you had no business
being scarred with.”
     
    His throat sounds dry. I hear the vulnerability
in his voice that takes me back to the shower at the gym when he opened up to
me about wanting to try. He is trying. I know he finds it difficult to talk
like this. Maybe he didn’t completely shut that little door inside his head. I
don’t want to push him too much.
     
    I lean over him to get the glass of water from
the bedside table then sit back on my heels. Jax pushes himself up with the
palms of his hands until he’s in a more comfortable seated position. Easing the
straw into his mouth, he takes a few long pulls, drinking almost half of the
glass.
     
    “We trust each other Jax. So why won’t you let
me into this dark side of yours?”
     
    I set the glass back down and he lets me carefully
place another plush pillow behind him whilst he thinks about his response.
     
    “Because it is just that. My dark side.
If I bring you into the shadows, it’ll taint everything that we have—” He
doesn’t look at me. Those words hover over us for a moment and neither of us
know what to say. “B, I can’t offer you anything more than friendship.”
     
    Tell me something I don’t know. I feel like he is
teetering on the edge of a decision. This is because I told him I love him. I
knew this would happen. I said to myself that if I told him, he’d push me away,
not wanting to hurt me further on down the line. Am I ready to let him go? Am I
ready to up the stakes in the world of heartache?
     
    “Jax, I would really like to know what happened
to you and maybe one day you’ll feel ready to tell me that… But it’s your
choice and I respect that. I understand that even though we are honest with
each other that doesn’t mean we have to bare our souls at the drop of a hat. And
that works both ways.” I’m thinking how I don’t want to taint our relationship
with any more admissions of impossible love. “As long as we don’t lie to
each other, as far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason why we can’t pick up
where we left off.” I swear I see tension leave his body, as though it’s a
relief, which encourages me. “This last week has been pretty amazing for me—minus
the obvious.”
     
    “Yeah, it has been eventful hasn’t it?” Jax
gives me his first genuine knee-buckling smile. “Are you sure though?”
     
    He pulls my hand to his mouth as I nod and he kisses
it, sending sexy shivers down my spine. His eyes darken as we feel that special
energy sparking between us. I actually watch as his pupils dilate, opening that
portal to reconnect us fully. He isn’t pushing me away as I’d suspected. Our
journey isn’t over, not yet. He is willing to try. I always have that nagging
voice at the back of my head, telling me I’ll be hurt at some point but I’m
able to mute it more and more easily. I want to take a risk, an uncalculated
risk, for once in my life.
     
    My love for Jax deserves to be given that chance.
My excitement to still have him in my life in this capacity far outweighs any
worries of future heartache. Maybe love isn’t blind. Maybe love knows all, but
it chooses to blank out the negativities. This love, the novel kind of love, is
beautifully optimistic. Moreover, I’m going to let it be. I’m not going to
fight it.
     
    I finally give permission for that resilient
magnetism between us to pull my core taut like a tightrope. Jesus I’ve missed
him. The mood effortlessly shifts from serious to sexual without us even saying
a word or moving.
     
    That’s enough seriousness for now. Let’s get
playful.
     
    “Mr Carter—” I flutter my eyelashes innocently,
biting my lower lip, “—does Nurse Taylor need to write you a sick note?” I
angle my body to lock an