Fakebook

Read Fakebook for Free Online

Book: Read Fakebook for Free Online
Authors: Dave Cicirelli
come from a long line of ballbusters and envelope pushers—from my grandfather, who never used a front door in his life, to my father, whose Catholic school career lasted for all of one morning. Whether it’s part of our wiring or something we teach every new generation, Cicirellis have an innate skepticism about authority and structure. We take it as a challenge when we’re told not to do something.
    â€œAll right, Ralph. You can be a part of this, but you’ve got to play it a certain way. I want you to react as if this were actually happening.”
    â€œSo I should say things like, ‘Be brave, stay safe, your family loves you’?”
    â€œYou’d be that supportive?” I asked. “I’m glad to hear that, because I’ve actually been thinking about doing something like this for real.”
    â€œDon’t be stupid,” Ralph responded sternly.
    â€œYeah! Exactly! That kind of stuff, like how I should think about my future, act responsible…”
    â€œYou should be thinking about your future! I’m serious. Maybe it’s time you at least look into getting your teacher degree—for the benefits. And then maybe consider getting yourself a nicer place to live.”
    I’d accidentally triggered an argument we’d been through a hundred times. I felt myself getting fired up, but then I remembered the coffee shop girl, who was probably still inside watching me. “All right.” I took a deep breath. “This is good stuff, but let’s save it for Facebook.”
    â€œYeah, sounds good. Love you, Son.”
    â€œLove you too, Pops.”
    I walked back into the Cake Shop and started packing up.
    â€œIf you’re interested in checking it out,” I said as I walked past the girl, “you should friend me on Facebook.”
    â€œOh, I totally would,” she replied, looking back down at her coffee, “but I don’t do Facebook. Good luck!”
    How hip, I thought, and shrugged. So I’d made a mild fool of myself—good practice for Fakebook’s inevitable self-destruction. I had no idea what was going to happen next. Fortunately, my dad had a few thoughts on the subject.
    Recent Activity
    Dave Cicirelli and Ralph Cicirelli are now friends.
    Ralph Cicirelli Dave, Please answer your phone when I call. We need to talk. This idea is over the top. PS Your mother is worried sick. She will make some lasagna if you come home now.
    yesterday · Like
    Dave Cicirelli Calm down Ralph. I’m in a coffee shop now, relaxing before the second leg of my daily hike. A couple of things:
    First, stop leaving 13 minute long messages. They are draining my battery.
    Second, I’m not answering the phone because we’ll just talk in circles. Ralph…I’m an artist, and my life has gone stale.
    We artists feast on experiences. 401ks and dental plans and living in the box that society puts you in may be fine for some…no judgment here…but the life of a bohemian is what I want.
    I’ve already written three poems.
    yesterday via mobile · Like
    Ralph Cicirelli Dave, I won’t stop calling until you answer the damn phone! Your mother is beside herself. Neither of us buy into this bohemian BS.
    Being a vagabond doesn’t liberate you from the “box.” It just puts you in a different “box” that you may never be able to get out of. Don’t waste a promising future.
    22 hours ago via mobile · Like
    Dave Cicirelli I’m not going to spend my youth living for old age.
    I’m going to start calling you Mime from now on. You’re always trapping yourself and others in boxes that aren’t there, man! You can call me Houdini, because I’m an artist who just escaped. Escape artist. Get it? See, I’m already getting my creative juices back.
    21 hours ago via mobile · Like
    Ralph Cicirelli You may think you’re an escape artist but you’re really a BS artist.
    In

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